Bits and Pieces

Well, people, I think it's finally happened. I think I've finally flipped over that last edge to insanity... as I sit here at work, I swear I hear girls' flip flips coming my way, and the hangers are always screeching at night, which means either I'm officially nuts or there are ghosts in Barnes and Noble.

Of course, since I'm not the only one who hears the screeching, it's gotta be ghosts.

That's not comforting.

Ah, life. This weekend is Mother's Day, an angel's fifteen months, and I think I'm gonna have to see Peter at mass. Heaven help me, I don't want to let that distract me... and I'm not entirely sure how to help it. Urg.

I'm going back to CUA! The apartment hunt is on, searching for something in the Silver Spring area (hopefully) that costs relatively little that I can move into by June 23rd. Oy. Can I just tell you how difficult that seems to be? And every landlord wants credit reports and pay stubs and this, that, and the other thing. What don't they get about the fact that I'm a college student with very little credit and very low income, that my student loans will have to cover rent? Moreover, how to other college kids manage this? Parttime and working? Or do their parents make enough to pay for all of it?

Well, my parents don't make enough, and as for the parttime/work thing, I do what I can, but I'm a musical theatre major. That means a billion classes, auditions, internships, and all sorts of other nonsense that gets in the way of my education. :P

I'm starting to think already about life after college. I'm not sure I'll be ready to be done with my education... so graduate school? New York University to work and audition and get my master's all at the same time? I mean, why not? Or maybe off to Paris... I could work at Disneyland Paris, maybe. That would be fun... after all, I'm not quite fluent, but I'm working on it! (For anybody who actually reads this, thoughts about grad school are appreciated... I'm kinda in [personally] uncharted territory).

Father Bill is coming to dinner tomorrow. I have to work until 5, so I'm making the Napoleon cake for dessert tonight and hoping I have enough time to do the Chicken Parmesan tomorrow. I hope Father likes Italian food... and that he doesn't mind that we don't have wine. If I had my way, we would, but Mom and Dad still have come around to the idea. So. Water. Soda? Eh.

I'm in the midst of planning my junior recital. I can't believe I'm going to be a junior in college after this summer! When did that happen?!? I graduate in two years (with a little faith, love, and pixie dust), and then it's really into the big, bad world out there on my own. It's weird, 'cause I thought I'd be married and moving on with Peter... but it wasn't meant to be. I've finally somewhat come to grips with that idea, sort of. But it's still something to think about.

I had lunch the other day with two of my dearest ladies, we'll call them "Mrs. G." and "Mrs. F." If you know me, you probably know who they are. If not, well, it's protecting them... they're a little internet-shy. ;) They are the sweetest ladies in the world, though, and we (I) had a blast. They were telling story after story about their trips to Europe, talking about their domestic stuff, all that jazz. Something along these lines.

Mrs. G.: I love your tomato planters! Where did you get them?
Mrs. F.: Eh, I don't remember. Country Farm and Home, I think?
Mrs. G.: Did I tell you they've got me working again?
Mrs. F.: Oh? When? I'll have to stop in and get some more mulch. Oh, do you remember that time in that plane on the way to England? You were so sick!
Mrs. G.: We were both sick! Remember...?

And on and on for hours. I just sat there, grinning my head off, nodding and laughing at their antics. Lots of other people might have been bored by that, but not me. I found myself wishing time and time again to be like them when I'm their again: all the pep and pizzazz as most twenty-year-olds I know, such a zest for life and so many, many stories. Why bother living life if you don't have adventures, if you don't go places and do things with people you care about? Why would you want to reach retirement only to stop and fold back into yourself? They keep living, day in and day out, and I love it. They are such a great inspiration to me.

I was wearing the skirt that I made when we went out, and they were so excited about it. I feel like I finally have a niche when I'm out with them. My domestic sensibilities that are so awkward when most of my friends want nothing to do with cooking, sewing, raising babies, all that jazz... those same sensibilities are celebrated when I'm with these ladies. They are the norm, and it thrills me.

But more and more I realize, nothing is normal, and nothing is strange. Everything and everyone are just themselves. And I like being me. I wish I could show Peter what he's missing... but I know need to. For the most part, I know I'm better off just being me, and moving on. ~ This mountain I must climb Feels like the world upon my shoulders. Through the clouds I see it shine; Keeps me warm as I grow older. ~