Tuesday, January 30, 2007


The Narrow Way

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood..." - Robert Frost

I stand before a fork in the road. I take the directions I was given out of my pocket. Surely they must be wrong! I stare down the road I'm supposed to take, a narrow, dark, miniscule pathway. The dust is clogged with small gravelly stones, and on either side is a wall of brambles. This must be the wrong one! Turning, I look down the road to the left. Blossoming roses send a sweet fragrance to me, beckoning, waving in a gentle breeze. Smiling, I pluck one from its branch's thorny grasp and tuck it behind my ear. My feet begin to move as I look up at the eternal blue sky.

I throw one last glance over my shoulder before entering the rose arch. A burst of excitement goes down my spine, and I shiver with pleasure. This is the right way, I know it! To the side of the road, a couple lays sleeping. The man's tanned body is exposed completely, and his partner's pale, naked skin glints in the bright sunlight. He holds her close, his hands running up and down her body. They seem entwined in some odd dance as she smiles slightly and pulls closer to him.
I turn away, ashamed for having watched this outward display of intimacy. I move on, without so much as a glance behind me. I walk for about ten minutes before coming upon two more people, this time in what appears to be a hospital room. The girl seems to be the same, but beside her is a different man. She is holding his hand tightly. A doctor in a long white coat comes in, needle in hand. He injects the needle into the girl's slightly rounded abdomen. She grips the man's hand as a wave of nausea flows through her. The doctor orders her to get up and walk, which she does.

There is something familiar about this girl, but where might I have seen her before? I shrug and turn away, going on. After an hour of steady walking, I meet the girl again. This time she appears to be about twenty-three instead of sixteen. Her auburn hair is swept up in a bun, and a veil frames her face. She wears a gown of pure white satin, and the same man who was with her in the abortion clinic now stands before his radiant bride. He gently takes her hands in his larger ones as he repeats after a tall minister, "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and obey until death do we part." The smiling young woman says her vows and they kiss. Tears of joy are in her eyes as the preacher pronounces them man and wife.

Who is she? I know her, I know her husband! I am befuddled by my lack of recognition. Where could I know her from? Minutes later, I find her playing with a little girl and boy. They look just like her, and well they might, for they are her children. A smile dances on her lips and in her eyes as she watches them. Suddenly, the little girl darts out in the street. Her mother rushes after her, but it is too late. As they both crash to the ground, a car slams on its breaks and squeals to a halt. The woman's child has no chance of survival.

"Oh, my god!" cries the driver. She pulls a cell phone from her purse and punches three numbers. Shortly, sirens are screaming and wailing up the street. Paramedics rush out and lay the woman and her daughter on stretchers. They are whisked away in a panic of lights and sirens.

I am frightened now. I begin to run, farther away from the horrors with every step. I understand why I recognize her now. As my history catches up with me, I see that I am that woman. I go faster, not stopping to acknowledge the tiny, freshly-made grave bearing the inscription Elana Grace, beloved daughter. Fear is pounding in my heart. I cannot keep going! I stop, exhausted, and fall to the ground before another scene. Again in a hospital, I see myself writhing in pain on the high bed. The sheets are wet with blood, and a shriek echoes across the room. With one hand I grasp my swollen stomach, with the other I squeeze the hand of my husband. There is a small pause between one contraction and the next, but not enough. I push hard, and with a smack the baby's tiny head slips out. One more push, and the body is laying on the bed.

The doctor smacks the baby's bottom, but the child does not respond. “I'm sorry. You had a little girl.”

“No!” I cry out loud. I struggle to my feet and move on, past the scene, past another grave: Christine Elizabeth, beloved daughter. I am slowing down. I cannot go on! Again I slip down to the dark earth. Sobbing heavily, I look up. Before me is another image of myself. In my right hand I hold a sharp kitchen knife. On my wrist is a puffy, red slash. My son is watching from the doorway, crying. I cast him a glance of mixed sorrow and relief.

I try to tear my gaze from the terrors before me, but I cannot. I haven't noticed the many miles yet before me. I close my eyes and curl up in the dirt, wailing, tears blurring my vision. A hand touches my shoulder. I turn around, and a figure in white beckons to me.

“Come unto me, and I will give you rest,” He says in a soft, comforting voice. I look into his gentle yet majestic face, then down at his hands. I turn my arms over and show him my cutting scars. He smiles, and turns over His hands. In each wrist is a scar. A nail scar. He wraps his arms around me in a fatherly way.

“Father, forgive her, for she knows not what she's done.” At the sound of His voice, my tears cease to flow. Something makes me look at my arms, and I am shocked to see my scars disappear. A smile begins to burn inside of me, and I begin to laugh. He chuckles with me, then raises me up as a king might a servant or knight. He reaches into His cloak and pulls out a warm, velvet wrap. “Come, my child. You have chosen the wrong path, but you may still choose the right. It will not always be easy, but it will bring you home in the end. You will come home to me.” He smiles and I smile back. “Pick up your cross and follow me!”

I nod, and feel a great weight on my shoulders. “Trust in me and your burden will be lightened.” The weight is still there, but much easier to bear. With a wave of his hand, the things around me vanish and I am standing upon the very road which I had scorned. I look up. Before me stands my husband and our son. He opens his arms to me and I rush to him. We kiss, and begin down the straight, narrow road. I turn back, but Christ is no longer visible. Yet all around me are his words, “You will come home to me.” I glance up at my husband, who smiles at me knowingly. And then, together, we begin to go home.

Poetry From A Broken Heart: I love you Zaw(b)!

What do you do
When you find someone to love
And they do not love you in return?

What do you say
When you see them walking down the halls
Their arms around another girl's waist.

Pointing and laughing doesn't work.
Dreaming of him night after night doesn't work.
Crying until there are no more tears left to cry NEVER works.

So what do you do?
How do you mend your heart
After it's been broken.

How do you stand to go to musical
Knowing that he won't be there
Holding you, telling you special things.

Or worse.....
How can you stand to talk to him?
How can you bear to see him at his locker....
Again!

How can you hear his laughter
Or hear him sing in choir
Or feel his eyes upon you
Or let your eyes meet again
Or brush his arm in the hallway -
-on purpose....
With no response?

I can't.
But I can.
And I will.
Because there is always tomorrow....

Another day to laugh
Another day to cry
Another day to remember
And wish you could forget.

Another day to sing
Another day to dance
Another day to act...

A brand new day.


^---------------------> For "Z"

I'm not a band geek
I'm not sorry to say.
But I like to think
What if I were....?

So much time around you
So much time listening to you
Being near you
Feeling special.

But so much time when you're angry
Or frustrated
Or a plain old jerk!
Such a schizophrenic maniac!

But I love you for it....
Even though I have no chance....
We might be a good match....
But I can't play the tuba!
^ --------------------------------> for "a"

Every time I see you
You make me laugh
We are very different
Maybe...

Truly, I don't know much about you
Just your name
Your family....
And your laugh.

We see each other at youth group
You catch my eyes
And hold my gaze...
And then I look away.

I can't flirt
I'm so afraid I'm too obvious...
Am I?
Do you know
How much I love you....
Like you.....
Adore you.....
Maybe.....

Are you the one for me?
The one with whom
My match was made to be?

You flirt with me too
You make me laugh
Until tears run down my cheeks....
Then you do something
And the cycle starts all over again.

You make me smile
You make me laugh
You're a senior...
Can you like a little freshman like me?

Just keep me laughing
And I'll be happy.
But not as happy as I would be
If you would ask me to prom.....
^ --------------------------------------->for "w"

I don't know if I love you
I don't know if I like you
I do know that we have much in common.
We are musicians
We have voices
And we're not afraid to make ourselves heard.

We know the same teachers
We know the same students
We know the same songs
Even the same words to the same songs in the same musicals....

We know about ornamental cats
About Phantom of the Opera
And about dancing
And we know about serving better than the rest....

After all
We were Mr. Whiteside's favorite
We were the Stanleys' favorite
Am I your favorite?
Do I stand a chance?

You were my first guy friend
You were my first co-author
In a work that was finished
Now, will you be my first boyfriend?

I count myself blessed
You said you would take me to a dance
You asked me to help you practice

You even asked me to confide in you
When there wasn't anyone I wanted to trust.
Now will you ask me the one thing that I'm longing for?

Ask me to be yours.

^ -------------------------------------------------> for "(b)"




How pathetic am I?





Sunday, January 28, 2007

Compare These Pics....

Compare these pics:
Mom and me.....

fifteen years later.....
me and Jillian (NOT my own baby.... lol)

Saturday, January 27, 2007

MUSICAL!!!!

So, yeah, I made musical, which makes me very happy. I was really ticked at first because I have a small part, but it was petty and I got over it...... unlike some people! Zack quit musical because he didn't get a big enough part! Idiot! So I'm mad at him, but I miss him so much, and now that Valentine's Day is around the corner, I miss him even more. I wanted so badly to hang out with him at musical and strengthen our relationship, but now.... nothin' doin.

But, about musical...

I have three speaking lines and a singing solo, which is better than some people got. Plus, Mme Wagner said that they gave us solos based on our singing ability, and that to get one of these solos you have to be pretty good. Needless to say, the three who have these solos are me, Jenn, and Becky. Coincedence? I think not! That makes me feel special ;)

Friday, January 12, 2007

Ummm, yeah, don't I wish













Another quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle...

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?


MY RESULT:Dream Girl








You’ve got it all – affection, a cool head, a positive attitude, and all that other stuff that guys want their girlfriends to have.



You’re light-hearted, fun, romantic and not too sleazy – a great combination. When you start a relationship, there’s a good chance the guy will totally fall for you, whether he intended to or not. Keep up the great attitude and you’re sure to be a heartbreaker. (Please just try to be gentle.)


Take This Quiz!



LOL!













Another quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle...

What's Your Flirt Style?


MY RESULT:Extreme Cool








You play it so cool, your crushes don’t even know you’re crushing on them – but somehow, they can’t get you off their minds.

The more common name for this flirt technique is “playing hard to get.” (Forgive us for going for the more obscure but devastatingly cooler name of “extreme cool”). It’s an age-old technique that works pretty great and keeps your vulnerability levels nice and low. Just be sure that you make your move at some point. Getting your crush to think you’re cool is only half the battle. The other half is getting them to date you.


Take This Quiz!



To Ask... Or Not To Ask...

I want to go the to Valentine's dance with Zack. But of course he would never ask me. So should I ask him?

-------------------------------->Potential Conversation:
Me: Hey Zack. Are you going to the Valentine's dance? I was just wondering. I refuse to go to a dance without a date or escort or whatever they're called, but I really want to go. I've been asking my guy friends, but so far I haven't had any luck. Will you?

Grrrrr.

Cheesy.

Pathetic.

Embaressing.

But, oh dear Lord, what if it would really work?

Monday, January 08, 2007

RENT

I know I already have this song, but I love the city backdrop! It's soooo beautiful!!!!

Musical Results.... Drumroll Please!!!






Well, I made it. I am a cast member in the musical Fiddler on the Roof. Yeah.

Too bad that my character is so small that she doesn't even have any lines. Yeah. I'm trying to be happy that I at least made it, but it's not working. Sara Dorman has taken my role, and she can't act worth crap. Yes, she can sing, but she can't act. At all. And it makes me really mad.

One consolation: Zack has a tiny role too, so he won't be kissing anyone onstage at least. Haha.







Here's to thoughts, memories, and pictures of a better, much happier day. Cheers!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

My Baby Names... Special for my cousin :)

Girls
Moriana Christine -for my sister that i never had and because i just happen to like the name and christine because of phantom of the opera

Angelina Janel -for my ex-youth pastor and an awesome camp counselor

Nicola Anne Noel

Lyssa Nicole -for my best friend and my cousin

Margeret Elaine -for my cousin (Meg) and because i like the name

Catherine Elizabeth

Rebeka Alexandra

Sarah Marie -Sarah for my first official acting role

Deborah Juliette -for my awesome music teacher and julie andrews

Emily Angela -awesome co-stars

Aubrey Kayla - same

Lucille Elise -for my cousin

Sylvia Lynn -for another cousin!


Boys
Thomas Matthew -my doll (lol) and my uncle, and i love the name

Erik Michael -for phantom


Zachary Aaron -take a wild guess

Jacob Daniel -awesome costars

Benjamen John -same





Aaron... also wonderful.... oh la la!

Tea Party part 1

Too funny!!!!
Tea Party part 2

and again.... too silly for words!!
TRIO: Julie Andrews, Eliza Doolittle & Mary Poppins sing!

Sillyness
Carol Burnett and Julie Andrews

ROTFL!!!!

Saturday, January 06, 2007


The wonderful, absolutely, amazing Zachary Strickler at his best.... with me!!!!
wicked

I love this. Wicked is so awesome!
Phantom Creation, The Phantom, the snake, and the chipmunks

Too phunny to pass up....
Phantom of the Opera (stage performance)

Antonio Banderas is seriously hott!!!!! Oh la la..... very hott