POST

I can't remember what I last posted... a poem, I expect. But, for those dear friends of mine who actually look at this site, I will post again.

I am so happy! I got sick and tired of not talking to Zack, of seeing him in the halls and ignoring him. As piggish as quitting musical was on his part, it was equally pigheaded on my part to (attempt) to ignore him because of it. So, I said hi to him at his locker the other day, a conversation ensued, and not a day goes by that I don't at least say hi and get a smile in return. I'm in my glory!

It's strange.... a year or two I never would have had the guts to do anything like this. I have always been outspoken, but never would I have done anything as far as guys are concerned like I do now. I've become a bit of a flirt, and guys don't cringe at the sight or thought of me... they actually look at me and talk to me, and I feel so amazing and special!

I guess the divorce changed a lot of people. Everything and everyone seems different, more wild but at the same time, so much more cautious. I don't even know if the little ones remember Aunt Glenda and Uncle Wally... huh, he's not even my uncle anymore. I miss them so much! It's as though Glenda and Wally and Nicholynn have all fallen off of the face of the Earth! I don't know where Wally lives, other than "in Tennessee." I don't know his address, his phone number... same thing with Aunt Glenda. I know Nicholynn's address, but no matter how much I try/tried to make contact with her, she doesn't respond. I know she's been hurt by the divorce, we all have, but why does she have to shut out every connection to her old life?

Thank God for Megan. She emails, we im, she even checks my blog. I am confident that she still loves me despite everything, and cares about my life. She doesn't want to just disappear into thin air like the rest. Even if I hadn't been sure of that before, I definately am now. She's making plans to come home... rather, back to PA.... in time to see my musical! She cares enough and knows how much this means to me....

Wow. It is amazing how much you think you are over something but it still haunts you, like a lie you told your parents that you know they know about. Is it any wonder that all I write about is boys? If I write about anything else, I fear I will slip back into a deep, dark depression, this time with no way of escape.

Megan, this is for you:

When people leave
A heart is broken
When they go away
A soul is wrenched
From someone helpless
When they disappear
That heart falls to the floor
And the owner of the soul
Is too afraid, too ashamed
To stop and pick it up.
They see a house,
They hear a voice
They sing a song
Even a comment
Made by a science teacher
Can bring back memories.
If there is a family
A family of four
And are all disbanded
By one thing or another
You feel like all hope is lost
What's the point?
Why go on?
But there's a reason:
One of them
Still loves you
One of them
Still cares
And one of them
No matter how far away
They get
The others get
One will always be there
There to see you through
There to love you
There to prove
There is hope yet.
Pick your heart
Off the ground
Dust it off
Save your love
For the one who truly loves you.