Dans ma vie...

I went to see Pastor Bill today (of my own free will, I might add). I know I've complained on this site enough about youth group and the church, perhaps I should highlight a few of the wonderful, amazing things about Mifflinburg First Church of the Nazarene. We have some very wonderful people in the leadership here. Pastor Krell, Pastor Bill, Reva, all sorts of people who care about us. It makes me wonder how rooted in truth all of my thoughts were, or if they were (are?) just pride, stubborness, fear...?

I can't help but wonder who I am, what I am, what I belong doing. I am so stuck on my music that I can't listen for the feelings beyond the horrible din that our congregation makes when they "sing." I'm so lost in fear and self-pity that I can't see beyond myself to all of the people who are in the world needing hope. Who do I think I am?

I don't know, and I wish I did. I want to be all that God wants me to be, and I don't know how. Pastor Bill wants me to blossom into my full potential, and so do I. He'd like me to come back to youth group, and I can understand why. A big part of me wants to go back, but I don't know. I can't help but remember how I was treated in the past, and I don't want to go through that again. But I also know that I'm supposed to be a leader in the church, and there are so many people that I could help and be there for if I could just get past my own problems.

Please pray for me. I know God has to have something special for me, or I wouldn't be here. Maybe I'll touch some life, somewhere along the way, and make someone find Him. But if I'm not sure where he is myself, what am I to do??