Thinking

I hate thinking. It's frustrating. But I can't help it... I've been thinking all day. Thinking about my future, and the future of those left here without me. (Ha, am I important enough that anyone will even notice I'm gone?) But I'm thinking about colleges a lot lately, and my own future... I want to dance so badly! Dance and sing and act, I love it so, so much! But am I truly cut out for it?

I was talking to Miss Alicia tonight, me and Mom, and she said "You have to try. You don't want to look back when you're forty and fifty and wish that you had done something. You must try your best." Is my best good enough?

I also love French. Will I someday sing and dance in France? At la Palace Garnier? I wish I could be like Natalie, who is dancing and living in Germany. I would love to live and dance and sing in France! But I would miss everybody back here so much. My dear family, my precious friends, my dear mentors... I will miss Mme Gillott and Mmes Rapson and Wagner, and Miss Alicia so much! They've all had such an impact on my life. I'm truly not sure who I would be right now if not for them. They have, in very many ways, been better to me than members of my own family.

My top colleges right now are Brooklyn College (in NYC), Bishop's University (in Sherbrooke, Canada), and Dad's favorite is Ithaca University (near Erie). None of them are deathly far away, but neither are they right in my backyard. BU would be a little tricky to drive to and from, since you now need a passport to cross the border from the U.S. to Canada, and I would likely have to have duel citizenship or something. But Brooklyn is right in the center of NYC, but it's also only four hours away from home. I could easily come home on holidays (even just for a day), or come home on the weekends if I wanted to. At the same time, I would have my independence, and I could be very near Broadway.

So many thoughts... grr.