Dans Ma Vie

Last night was opening night of Bells Are Ringing. It was incredible! The audience was great (we had a really good crowd for a Thursday night), the performance itself was incredible....

Sigh. I love this! It's sooo much fun. When I get on that stage, nothing else matters but what is happening then and there. It doesn't matter who is in the audience... I'm not Jade, I'm Ella. I'm beautiful, I'm special, I'm important... I love performing! This is what I was made to do, I'm so sure! I love it so much, and every time I'm on that stage, I'm on cloud nine and the world is at my feet! Yet I know the show will end, and it will be back to my humdrum life.... Do I have what it takes to make this my reality for forever? Could I really make it on Broadway? Where am I going with my life?

There are so many questions and so few answers. I have at least eight years of waiting for Peter to get out of college and the army... that gives me time to go to college and try desperately for Broadway. Or maybe travel the world... go to France, to England, to all of the beautiful places I've only been able to dream of in my mind! I have so much that I could do, that I would do, if I could just get the chance....

I love the stage, I love performing... I love French, too... and I love my boy. My heart is torn between the three... I want so badly to just be me, and do everything I want to do... and I know full well that I cannot.

I just have to remember what Father Bill said in his sermon last Sunday. Don't live in the past or the future... live in the now, in the present! God gave us right now for a reason... and right now is the best time of my life. I'm performing, singing onstage the way I always want to, doing well in classes, working on SATs, and hanging out with Peter as much as possible... life is good.

<3, "Ella"