Bla bla bla....

It's been forever since I last wrote. It seems like everything and nothing has happened all at once... I'm not quite sure where to start.

Let's see... the biggest things lately... I got accepted to CUA, and I have an audition for the music theatre department there on February 6. I also managed to get a Juilliard audition! I'm going to NYC on January 23 to audition for the drama department at Juilliard. Of course, I'm crazy excited, but I'm really nervous, too. Who ever would've thought I'd be even this close to Juilliard, to my dreams? Me, a tiny little girl from a tiny little town where nothing ever happens and when going to the grocery store frequently results in multiple family and friend reunions.

Peter's proud of me, I think. I'm really not sure what's happening with us... we ended up breaking up and spending a painful two weeks apart, trying to retrieve ourselves and figure out what on earth was going on. And then, the day I got my acceptance letter, we ended up getting back together. Heaven only knows what's going on with us... I want to last forever, but I'm eighteen... he's seventeen... and forever is a long time. I know I'm stubborn enough to make it last, but is he? He says he is not looking for anyone else, but what if someone just kinda comes out of the blue and he falls head-over-heels for her? Where does that leave me?

In a rut, I guess, but not one that's impossible to get out of. I have my schooling ahead of me, and hopefully a career after that. If I manage to graduate from Juilliard's drama department, I could go so many, many places. I could travel to France or England and work overseas. Losing Peter would not be the end of the world or the end of me... just the end of the current life that I love so much. I would live. If we split up, I'd be devastated, but I would rely on God's strength... because, as I've said so many times this month, "God, give me strength, for I have none of my own."

And I know he will. He is great and mighty, and loves me more than Peter, more than my family or other friends ever will. I know this... it's just trusting it where I sometimes fall through.

Spring musical auditions are coming up. Honestly, it doesn't even seem like the fall play has happened yet! But it has, oddly enough. I was Abigail Louise Brewster, a crazy little old lady in Arsenic and Old Lace. My last fall play is over... how sad is that????

But musical will be fun, and I have a ton to do to prep for my college auditions and district choir. My life is crazy! But it is well-worth every wild moment... even the ones that I wish I could banish forever.