The "Spice" of summer

My hair is my normal color right now, but this summer, as I wrote about, I dyed my hair pink. Here, finally, are the long-awaited pictures! Sorry they're sideways, there's nothing I can do about it! ;)

Life...

So yeah, play is going well, but life pretty much sucks right now. I miss Zack so much it's not friekin' funny... my Zack is away at college and he doesn't even know I exist....

And there are other issues, too. For instance, the creepy old man (who shall remain nameless) who won't stop staring at me. No, it's not a teacher.... it's someone at church, and I'm so scared of him and he WON'T STOP! And the fact that my dad and my "sister" both think that I dress like a whore...

OH! And I got an 86 in American Cultures. That sucks.

And I miss Zack. I really miss Zack. Play just isn't the same without him... I know he's not the man I will end up marrying. I know that in my head... But my heart says that he's the only one I'll ever love! Mrs. Gillot was talking to me today, cause I was really upset and depressed all day long, and she kept asking me what was wrong, so I told her that I really missed Zack, that life isn't the same, bla, bla, bla. She was trying to comfort me, and it kinda worked, for a while...

But, oh well. Mrs. Grubb wants to see me tomorrow. Yikes!

YAY

Well, I lied... I didn't post as soon as I knew about the audition results. But I'm posting now....

I MADE IT!! I am one of five girls who made it! I can't believe it. The play is called You Have The Right To Remain Dead, and it's gonna be HILARIOUS! I seriously can't wait....

PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, school has started and I am busier than ever. I have some really great classes this year, like, of course, French II and Choir (Chamber Choir!!). My Honors American Cultures II teacher is really funny, and she's a great teacher! I even understand geometry so far. Unfortunately, I also have Drivers' Ed, gym class, and biology. Blech.

The biggest thing right now is play auditions. I auditioned on Wendesday, but now I have to wait until MONDAY!! to find out if I made it or not. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

But I'll update as soon as I know!

Les Miserables

THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIANCE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!! LES MISERABLES ON BROADWAY, MY FIRST SHOW EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem...

Anyway, my parents surprised me and took me to Broadway on Saturday, and it was awesome! Someday, someday.... you will see my name in the playbill!!! Jade Enders (Cosette) or Jade Enders (Christine) or even (Carlotta) or mybe (Fantine) or (Galinda). SOMEDAY!!!!!!!

I'll post my diary entry when I get time (a precious commodity lately). Until then, I LOVE BROADWAY!!!

The Best Blogger Survey

* . . About You . . *
Eye Color:: blue
Hair Color:: rainbow (presently red)
Height:: 4'11''
Favorite Color:: pink!
Screen Name:: WickedPhan506
Favorite Band:: none
Favorite Movie:: Phantom of the Opera
Favorite Show:: Murder, She Wrote
Your Car:: n/a
Your Hometown:: Mifflinburg
Your Present Town:: Mifflinburg (sad, huh?)
Your Crushes First Name:: Zack
Your Grade:: 10
Your Style:: girly

* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: no
Kissed someone in the rain?: no
Danced in a public place?: yes
Smiled for no reason?: yes
Laughed so hard you cried?: yes
Peed your pants after age 8?: yes
Written a song?: yes
Sang to someone for no reason?: yes
Performed on a stage?: yes
Talked to someone you don't know?: yes
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: yes
Made out in a theatre?: no
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: yes
Been in love?: i wish

* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: my bro
Tell you, I love you?: Mum
Kiss you?: no clue
Hug you?: Mum
Tell you BYE?: Theo
Write you a note?: Jenn
Take your photo?: Theo
Call your cell phone?: n/a
Buy you something?: Mum and Dad
Go with you to the movies?: dunno
Sing to you?: Mum
Write a poem about you?: dunno
Text message you?: dunno
Touch you?: in what way?

* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: yesterday
Time you cried?: yesterday
Movie you watched?: i forget
Joke you told?: dunno
Song you've sang?: "I'd Rather Have Jesus"
Time you've looked at the clock?: 9:26 AM
Drink you've had?: water
Number you've dialed?: Jenn's
Book you've read?: Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul
Food you've eaten?: ice-cream sandwich
Flavor of gum chewed?: stride sweetmint
Shoes you've worn?: copper high heels
Store you've been in?: Broadway souveneir shop
Thing you've said?: No one else is here, I don't care how I look!

* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: kinda
Whistle?: yeah
Blow a bubble?: yeah
Roll your tounge in a circle?: uh-huh
Cross your eyes?: yup
Touch your tounge to your nose?: sorta...
Dance?: heck, yes!
Gleek?: huh?
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: yup
Speak a different language?: sorta (I'm workin on it)
Impersonate someone?: yeah
Prank call people?: yeah
Make a card pyramid?: no
Cook anything?: yes

* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...: actress, I'd meet Julie Andrews
I wish ...: Zack would ask me out
So many people don't know that ...: I hate peas
I am ...: a Broadway lover
My heart is ...: broken, but well on the mend!

Life...

I really miss musical and play, so to console myself, I am posting some random pics... I know you've seen them before, but hey! Humor me...

Bla bla bla...

Well, another crazy day gone by. We're in the middle of painting my room (can't wait to post pics!) I got a canopy bed, and we're redoing my entire bedroom! It's so sweet! Other than that, same as always...

Mom says my room counts as my sixteenth b-day present, and I'm grateful, but a part of me still really wants a fancy party. It's not gonna happen...

I'm An Idiot

Owww... my leg hurts! I was an idiot and cut it on a piece of glass. I spent from 8:30 to 10:30 last night in the E.R. Six stitches! It was my first time getting stitches and I was really scared. I felt like I was five, not fifteen! I looked like crap, but I got a really old, ugly doctor, so it really didn't matter. Now it hurts, though. Really bad...

Anyway, enough of that. I dyed my hair again, sort of a burdandy-chestnut-purple color. I thought it would look really bad, but I like it. Jenn slept over and she dyed her hair, and I liked the color, so we did mine too. Now we match!

The only other interesting thing I can think of is that I've started taking piano lessons and ballet in addition to voice and chamber choir. I love it!

A Random Update

So, life has been busy but boring. It's kinda random...

I babysit 4-month-old Kate Adamo every Thursday afternoon, and I've been helping the Younts with the twins a little bit, and occasionally I get a call to babysit my Jilly and Josiah, but they're pretty much my only clients. My days are still busy, however, between ballet, chamber choir, voice and hopefully piano lessons, and cleaning (of course). We're trying to redo our storage space and make it a walk-in-closet, and I've pretty been heading the whole project.

I found so many letters and cards from random people it's not funny. The one day I just sat there with an old Huggies box full of cards that Ann Stover wrote from Florida, or Nicholynn or Megan or Grammy Pat. I never really realized exactly how much I was loved until I went through that box.

Pastor Krell's sermon was on love yesterday, and I really felt like God spoke to me. He used a few quotes, like this one by Mohamed Gandhi: "I like your Christ, just not your Christians." I don't know where we went wrong, but I swear we are the worst hypocrites out of any religion, and we're supposed to be representing God. But people aren't seeing God, they're seeing selfish humanity. He used 1 Corinthians 13, which I'd never really read before. Now that whole page of my bible is covered with notes...

Sorry for the sermon. One more thing. The boys wanted me to link to their (and my) "superhero site." Believe me, it was not my idea... for the most part. www.jayteersupes.blogspot.com

Prom Pics.... Finally!!!

Finally! Prom pictures are here! Thanks for your patience. With any luck, I can soon post pics of my hair... lol.

Gorgeous song.... just had to post it!

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

-Evanescence (to hear it actually sung, go to youtube.com and search for wonder woman, it's in the "Batman and Wonder Woman Tribute"

Not only do I now have short, pink hair, but I have once again taken up ballet. I missed it a lot, so I'm now taking lessons from Alicia Little at Enterline's. I got to know her through the musical (she did the choreography) and I asked her about taking classes. So, I started today. I absolutely LOVE taking classes with her! She is very kind and sweet, but very professional at the same time. I am taking ballet en pointe and it's sweet! My ankles hurt, though... :(

But it's lots of fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chamber choir also starts next week, and I've done quite a bit of babysitting lately.... that's about it. Not much else going on.... yet!

I Am A Rose....

Literally. Most people say they are blonde or brunette.... I used to be, but now I am a rose. That's right, I got PINK highlights in my hair!! I'll upload pics soon, hopefully along with some more prom pics... stupid program is misbehaving....

Nicholynn wrote back to me. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy! I'm very glad that I decided to write to her again.

I have nothing to do... bored out of my flippin' mind now that school's out. Grr..

Another Post

I know I haven't posted in ages. Oh well. It's been very busy around here, what with all of the concerts and such. I had a choir concert on May 7th (I think) and a a musical that same weekend. I had also gone to prom that weekend with Jenn (I'm still trying to upload pics. The site doesn't want to let me). Then on Wednesday, I had the French Club Cabaret. I sang "Without You" from My Fair Lady. On Friday I helped do hair and make-up for the middle school musical. It was really funny, because I was doing the boys' makeup, and some squirmed, some thought it was cool, and others put up with it so they could be around me. Some were acting like I was hott stuff that they were trying to pick up! It was adorable. I'm working on my writing and I'm trying to read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I'm also in the midst of school finals. Next week is the last week of school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sad. Friday was the seniors' last day of school, so Zack is gone now! I'll never see him again. I love him so much, I'm going to miss him! Aaron's also gone, and Weston! I don't know what I'm going to do! How will I get along without them next year? And of course, I have other friends graduating as well. Aubrey, Lindsey, Sarah... so many people!

I guess I'll have to get over it, there's not much that I can do. But I will miss them.

A cheerful thought: I got a 97 on my rhythm test for Mme Wagner! I might have a chance at making chamber choir... maybe...

I'm trying a new layout. If anything doesn't work on it, please let me know so that I can fix it!

Daddy's Slideshow.... All his pics!!!

Isn't my dad awesome? These are some sweet pics! And they are all his.... Cool!



A Higher Nature

What Am I To Do? Part 2

YEAH!!! Aaron is amazing.... listen to that voice!

What Am I To Do?

LOL

Fiddler on the Roof

Tonight is the last performance! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, yeah, the show has been abslutely amazing. Everyone who has seen it loved.... it was awesome. It's been really energetic, and really good, and I think we've set a very high standard for next year. For those of you who couldn't see it, I'm posting some pics. I will hopefully be able to get a dvd of it so you can see it, but for now these pics will have to do. If you want to see more, go to www.pianostuffs.com

MIFFLINBURG ROCKS!!!

Banjo and Sarah

YAY!!!!

Ancient Poetry ;)

I was going through the storage space, trying to find Mom's old musical programs, when I found an immense wealth of poetry from Mom's childhood and her business class, and I loved them so much that I thought I'd post them. I DID NOT WRITE ANY OF THESE. I will credit them when and where I can. Some my mom wrote herself, so yeah.... don't ever let her tell you that she isn't talented, these are adorable.

To Arms
Hugs are not only nice
They're needed.
Hugs can relieve pain and depression,
Make the healthy healthier,
The happy happier,
And the most secure among us
Even more so.
Hugging feels good
Overcomes fear
Eases tension
Provides stretching excercise if you're short
And stooping exercise if you're tall.
Hugging does not upset the enviroment,
Saves heat,
And requires no special equipment.
It makes happy days happier
And impossible days possible.
-Mommy

Another Day
The longest night
Must have an end.
The darkness
Does not stay.
The world rolls around
Towards the morning of another day.
The new light
Steals in like a blessing
Bringing hope again -
To those who lie awake
A prey to worry, grief, or pain.
And so it is life
Though black moods come
And cares depress -
They pass and sunshine follows
Bringing peace and happiness.
The shadows lift
The darkness fades -
And if for faith you pray -
God always works the miracle
And sends another day.
-Mommy

Story of an Old Toothbrush
Michael McGee was a widowed old gent
And he lived with his daughter, Mary.
He was old in his ways and on many a day
She found him a wee bit contrary.
Michael brushed his teeth with a very old brush
What was left of it -- nothing but stubble,
And if Mary purchased him one that was new,
She purchased a bushel of trouble.

One day Mary watched Michael brushing away,
Without Michael knowing her looking.
She noticed him kissing the old toothbrush
Wondering what in heavens was cooking.
So when Michael went out for his afternoon walk,
As he usually did every day,
Mary went to his bath and took the old brush
And deliberately threw it away.

When Michael discovered his toothbrush was gone,
Mary found him dejected and sighing.
There were tears in his eyes and to Mary's surprise,
For the first time her father was crying.
She thought it quite queer, in an effort to cheer,
She said, "I will but you another."
Then Michael embraced her and said, "Mary, dear,
That toothbrush belonged to your mother.

"When she passed away, Mary, I longed for her kiss,
So I took her toothbrush for my own.
As I used it each day, she was not far away,
In fact she was right here at home."
So Mary went searching and found the old brush,
Placed it where it would come to Dad's view.
When she saw him kissing it fondly again,
She said, "Daddy, may I kiss it, too?"
-Patrick E. Gorman

Catching Up

I have had absolutely no time whatsoever to do anything other than eat, sleep, breathe, go to musical practice and go to church. I have been busier than ever with all of my responsibilities, and I'm quickly running out of fuel. I love musical, and I can't let my performance dwindle there, but at the same time, church is extremely important to me. I have responsibilities with children's choir, children's musical, the nursery, Little Peoples Church, Li'l Disciples, and now I've been nominated as teen delegate to the District Missions Convention as well as NYI President! On top of that, Mr. KnowItAll Welker seems to think that I have time to put together a speech and an outline about Planetary Colonization (something that I care nothing about!) I feel like my head is going to tear at the seams!!!

So, yeah....

Some good things have happened lately, too. For example, Whitney and I both got to sing our solos at the Pops Concert. Musical is in two weeks, and being nominated for so many high positions is an honor. So, I'm thoroughly exhausted....

I'm a Jewish hooker, and my husband is the Rabbi.... our son is illegitimate (and my husband doesn't know), and we have a baby girl.... A rumor is flying through Anatevka, thanks to Yente.... Yahweh, send my husband a dream, any will do, that will "prove" that Mendel and our Reyna is his.... Amen....

^A little something funny to brighten up your day.... Of course, it's only funny if you know the joke, but anyway...

Does love truly exist.... the question of the day

So, I was talking to my cousin about love, and its been on my mind with Valentine's Day being tomorrow, and my question is, Does love really exist? Does it exist only if you know a person to the deepest depths of their souls? Or is love something that you naturally have and extend towards certain people? Or is love simply a fantasy of society, something that you just "do" because it's what society expects? OR, is love truly the thing that we all think it is, that unreasonable, irrational, gut-wrenching, heart-tearing beast that we all have hidden somewhere and will one day come out, whether we want it to or not?

To quote me in our debate:

"i think that i would love the real u just as much or more than i do the u that i think i kno, bcuz love is something that i dont think is readily given or readily taken away. i think that when u love someone, even if u love someone completely different from the real person, u will always love them, as u begin to discover more of what they r truly like, the love that u had to begin with will just grow until it becomes what it is supposed to be for who that person is supposed to be "

I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy. Hehe, I know I'm crazy. But that is just talking about love towards family members and the like. What does that mean for romantic love? Does it stand a chance?

I hate Valentine's Day. It brings such depressing thoughts to mind. But there are some comforts: my data match at school had two of the four guys that I like on it. Yay!

A poem for Valentine's Day (my first in French!):


L'amour
Je t'adore
Mon amour
Mon cheri....
Baisse-moi, s'il vous plait
Oh la la...
L'amour toujours,
Mon cheri
L'amour toujours moi

Vive l'amour
C'est si bon
Oh la la...

C'est la vie!

Translation:

Love
I love you
My love
My darling...
Kiss me, please
Oh, my...

Always love,
My darling
Always love me.

Long live love
It's so good
Oh, my....

That's life!

POST

I can't remember what I last posted... a poem, I expect. But, for those dear friends of mine who actually look at this site, I will post again.

I am so happy! I got sick and tired of not talking to Zack, of seeing him in the halls and ignoring him. As piggish as quitting musical was on his part, it was equally pigheaded on my part to (attempt) to ignore him because of it. So, I said hi to him at his locker the other day, a conversation ensued, and not a day goes by that I don't at least say hi and get a smile in return. I'm in my glory!

It's strange.... a year or two I never would have had the guts to do anything like this. I have always been outspoken, but never would I have done anything as far as guys are concerned like I do now. I've become a bit of a flirt, and guys don't cringe at the sight or thought of me... they actually look at me and talk to me, and I feel so amazing and special!

I guess the divorce changed a lot of people. Everything and everyone seems different, more wild but at the same time, so much more cautious. I don't even know if the little ones remember Aunt Glenda and Uncle Wally... huh, he's not even my uncle anymore. I miss them so much! It's as though Glenda and Wally and Nicholynn have all fallen off of the face of the Earth! I don't know where Wally lives, other than "in Tennessee." I don't know his address, his phone number... same thing with Aunt Glenda. I know Nicholynn's address, but no matter how much I try/tried to make contact with her, she doesn't respond. I know she's been hurt by the divorce, we all have, but why does she have to shut out every connection to her old life?

Thank God for Megan. She emails, we im, she even checks my blog. I am confident that she still loves me despite everything, and cares about my life. She doesn't want to just disappear into thin air like the rest. Even if I hadn't been sure of that before, I definately am now. She's making plans to come home... rather, back to PA.... in time to see my musical! She cares enough and knows how much this means to me....

Wow. It is amazing how much you think you are over something but it still haunts you, like a lie you told your parents that you know they know about. Is it any wonder that all I write about is boys? If I write about anything else, I fear I will slip back into a deep, dark depression, this time with no way of escape.

Megan, this is for you:

When people leave
A heart is broken
When they go away
A soul is wrenched
From someone helpless
When they disappear
That heart falls to the floor
And the owner of the soul
Is too afraid, too ashamed
To stop and pick it up.
They see a house,
They hear a voice
They sing a song
Even a comment
Made by a science teacher
Can bring back memories.
If there is a family
A family of four
And are all disbanded
By one thing or another
You feel like all hope is lost
What's the point?
Why go on?
But there's a reason:
One of them
Still loves you
One of them
Still cares
And one of them
No matter how far away
They get
The others get
One will always be there
There to see you through
There to love you
There to prove
There is hope yet.
Pick your heart
Off the ground
Dust it off
Save your love
For the one who truly loves you.

Collage of Music.... To the Man (men) of my dreams!

Me and the Wonderful Amazing Ben (and Emily Lepley.... also amazing. Don't forget Eric!)
http://s128.photobucket.com/albums/p198/InluvwithEB/?action=view&current=DSCF0942.flv

And more poetry:

Holding hands at midnight
'Neath a starry sky
Strolling with the one boy
Sighing sigh after sigh
'Cuz my wildest dreamings
Could not forsee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me
And just for this moment
Do you love me?
I feel you my darling
I was half afraid I'd waken
Satisfied enough to dream
Happily I was mistaken....
I have found me a wonderful guy!
And until I die
I'll die day after day
Though not a day goes by
Not a single day
But you're somewhere
A part of my life
And it looks like you'll stay
Because no one is alone
Truly, no one is alone.
While the rain in Spain
Stays mainly in the plain
I could dance all night
I could dance
So you'd grow
Accustomed to my face
Then, oh matchmaker, matchmaker
Bring me no match
Find me no find
Catch me no catch
For I've got a matchless match!

A song
Played on a solo saxophone
Is telling me to hold you tight
And dance like it's the last night
Of the world.
I am that girl
When hands touch
And eyes meet
There's a sudden silence
Sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
I know I'm your girl!
Together forever
We're tying a knot
That no one can sever
You think I'm a
Beautiful girl
And all five hundred
Twenty-thousand
Six hundred moments so dear
We'll measure in love
The seasons of love
You can kiss me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
And help me make
The music of the night.

A little fun for you: Each different color is from a different musical than the color before. Try to guess what the different songs or musicals are and post your guesses as comments or email them to me! Let's see how sharp you are.....

LOL;)

Movies from "The Man Who Came To Dinner"

Me and Zack (and Dan): http://s128.photobucket.com/albums/p198/InluvwithEB/?action=view&current=DSCF0945-1.flv

Me and Aaron in the 1st half of "What Am I To Do?" (and Ben, Emily, and Dan): http://s128.photobucket.com/albums/p198/InluvwithEB/?action=view&current=DSCF0943.flv

Me and Aaron in the 2nd half of "What Am I To Do?":
http://s128.photobucket.com/albums/p198/InluvwithEB/?action=view&current=DSCF0944.flv



AREN'T WE JUST AWESOME????? ;)

There is a red dress
In the store window
It has my name
Written all over it
Black and red
Sexy but chic
Rosy and innocent
Yet in every way not.
I can see myself
On the dance floor
Whirling, twirling
The lacy underskirt billows
As I spin in time to the music
I am alone
For once I do not claim music
As my one companion.
Then I see someone
Stepping from the shadows
He is tall, dark, handsome
A dream of a man.
He comes closer
Close enough to embrace me
He holds me close
I've ascended to heaven!
But then he disappears
I feel lost
Until I realize
That someone is still holding onto me.
His hands are soft
Gentle on my waist
He is closer to my height
He whispers endearments
In my earI feel my heart pound
I hope he doesn't hear it
Then, in an instant, he too is gone
And another is in his place.
Again much taller than me
His prickly gotee
Brushes against my hair
I lay my head on his chest
Trying to soothe
The nerves that I know
He is battling
I encourage him to laugh
To talk
To make my body shake
With laughter
Then againI am left alone
This time no one comes
I wander from the dance floor
Waiting off to the side
Is a boy
A joyful, wonderful boy.
Someone I know well.
He sees that I am upset
He asks me what's wrong
He touches my arm
And our eyes meet
And suddenly I know
The other three were handsome
Sexy, wonderfulI saw no flaws...
But I find my heart
Skipping a beat
As we talk
As we laugh
As I cry
As we gaze at each other
I know this is finally him
The one I was meant for
He knows me
He accepts me
And he's almost my height!
I know why I've been waiting

I feel a tap on my shoulder
I snap out of my dream
I turn around
And there he is
He is smiling at me
Reminding me
I look at the dress
The sexy red and black dress
Then I turn away
I slip my arm through his
I've already forgotten the dress
I like thinking about ornamental cats much more.

The Narrow Way

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood..." - Robert Frost

I stand before a fork in the road. I take the directions I was given out of my pocket. Surely they must be wrong! I stare down the road I'm supposed to take, a narrow, dark, miniscule pathway. The dust is clogged with small gravelly stones, and on either side is a wall of brambles. This must be the wrong one! Turning, I look down the road to the left. Blossoming roses send a sweet fragrance to me, beckoning, waving in a gentle breeze. Smiling, I pluck one from its branch's thorny grasp and tuck it behind my ear. My feet begin to move as I look up at the eternal blue sky.

I throw one last glance over my shoulder before entering the rose arch. A burst of excitement goes down my spine, and I shiver with pleasure. This is the right way, I know it! To the side of the road, a couple lays sleeping. The man's tanned body is exposed completely, and his partner's pale, naked skin glints in the bright sunlight. He holds her close, his hands running up and down her body. They seem entwined in some odd dance as she smiles slightly and pulls closer to him.
I turn away, ashamed for having watched this outward display of intimacy. I move on, without so much as a glance behind me. I walk for about ten minutes before coming upon two more people, this time in what appears to be a hospital room. The girl seems to be the same, but beside her is a different man. She is holding his hand tightly. A doctor in a long white coat comes in, needle in hand. He injects the needle into the girl's slightly rounded abdomen. She grips the man's hand as a wave of nausea flows through her. The doctor orders her to get up and walk, which she does.

There is something familiar about this girl, but where might I have seen her before? I shrug and turn away, going on. After an hour of steady walking, I meet the girl again. This time she appears to be about twenty-three instead of sixteen. Her auburn hair is swept up in a bun, and a veil frames her face. She wears a gown of pure white satin, and the same man who was with her in the abortion clinic now stands before his radiant bride. He gently takes her hands in his larger ones as he repeats after a tall minister, "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and obey until death do we part." The smiling young woman says her vows and they kiss. Tears of joy are in her eyes as the preacher pronounces them man and wife.

Who is she? I know her, I know her husband! I am befuddled by my lack of recognition. Where could I know her from? Minutes later, I find her playing with a little girl and boy. They look just like her, and well they might, for they are her children. A smile dances on her lips and in her eyes as she watches them. Suddenly, the little girl darts out in the street. Her mother rushes after her, but it is too late. As they both crash to the ground, a car slams on its breaks and squeals to a halt. The woman's child has no chance of survival.

"Oh, my god!" cries the driver. She pulls a cell phone from her purse and punches three numbers. Shortly, sirens are screaming and wailing up the street. Paramedics rush out and lay the woman and her daughter on stretchers. They are whisked away in a panic of lights and sirens.

I am frightened now. I begin to run, farther away from the horrors with every step. I understand why I recognize her now. As my history catches up with me, I see that I am that woman. I go faster, not stopping to acknowledge the tiny, freshly-made grave bearing the inscription Elana Grace, beloved daughter. Fear is pounding in my heart. I cannot keep going! I stop, exhausted, and fall to the ground before another scene. Again in a hospital, I see myself writhing in pain on the high bed. The sheets are wet with blood, and a shriek echoes across the room. With one hand I grasp my swollen stomach, with the other I squeeze the hand of my husband. There is a small pause between one contraction and the next, but not enough. I push hard, and with a smack the baby's tiny head slips out. One more push, and the body is laying on the bed.

The doctor smacks the baby's bottom, but the child does not respond. “I'm sorry. You had a little girl.”

“No!” I cry out loud. I struggle to my feet and move on, past the scene, past another grave: Christine Elizabeth, beloved daughter. I am slowing down. I cannot go on! Again I slip down to the dark earth. Sobbing heavily, I look up. Before me is another image of myself. In my right hand I hold a sharp kitchen knife. On my wrist is a puffy, red slash. My son is watching from the doorway, crying. I cast him a glance of mixed sorrow and relief.

I try to tear my gaze from the terrors before me, but I cannot. I haven't noticed the many miles yet before me. I close my eyes and curl up in the dirt, wailing, tears blurring my vision. A hand touches my shoulder. I turn around, and a figure in white beckons to me.

“Come unto me, and I will give you rest,” He says in a soft, comforting voice. I look into his gentle yet majestic face, then down at his hands. I turn my arms over and show him my cutting scars. He smiles, and turns over His hands. In each wrist is a scar. A nail scar. He wraps his arms around me in a fatherly way.

“Father, forgive her, for she knows not what she's done.” At the sound of His voice, my tears cease to flow. Something makes me look at my arms, and I am shocked to see my scars disappear. A smile begins to burn inside of me, and I begin to laugh. He chuckles with me, then raises me up as a king might a servant or knight. He reaches into His cloak and pulls out a warm, velvet wrap. “Come, my child. You have chosen the wrong path, but you may still choose the right. It will not always be easy, but it will bring you home in the end. You will come home to me.” He smiles and I smile back. “Pick up your cross and follow me!”

I nod, and feel a great weight on my shoulders. “Trust in me and your burden will be lightened.” The weight is still there, but much easier to bear. With a wave of his hand, the things around me vanish and I am standing upon the very road which I had scorned. I look up. Before me stands my husband and our son. He opens his arms to me and I rush to him. We kiss, and begin down the straight, narrow road. I turn back, but Christ is no longer visible. Yet all around me are his words, “You will come home to me.” I glance up at my husband, who smiles at me knowingly. And then, together, we begin to go home.

Poetry From A Broken Heart: I love you Zaw(b)!

What do you do
When you find someone to love
And they do not love you in return?

What do you say
When you see them walking down the halls
Their arms around another girl's waist.

Pointing and laughing doesn't work.
Dreaming of him night after night doesn't work.
Crying until there are no more tears left to cry NEVER works.

So what do you do?
How do you mend your heart
After it's been broken.

How do you stand to go to musical
Knowing that he won't be there
Holding you, telling you special things.

Or worse.....
How can you stand to talk to him?
How can you bear to see him at his locker....
Again!

How can you hear his laughter
Or hear him sing in choir
Or feel his eyes upon you
Or let your eyes meet again
Or brush his arm in the hallway -
-on purpose....
With no response?

I can't.
But I can.
And I will.
Because there is always tomorrow....

Another day to laugh
Another day to cry
Another day to remember
And wish you could forget.

Another day to sing
Another day to dance
Another day to act...

A brand new day.


^---------------------> For "Z"

I'm not a band geek
I'm not sorry to say.
But I like to think
What if I were....?

So much time around you
So much time listening to you
Being near you
Feeling special.

But so much time when you're angry
Or frustrated
Or a plain old jerk!
Such a schizophrenic maniac!

But I love you for it....
Even though I have no chance....
We might be a good match....
But I can't play the tuba!
^ --------------------------------> for "a"

Every time I see you
You make me laugh
We are very different
Maybe...

Truly, I don't know much about you
Just your name
Your family....
And your laugh.

We see each other at youth group
You catch my eyes
And hold my gaze...
And then I look away.

I can't flirt
I'm so afraid I'm too obvious...
Am I?
Do you know
How much I love you....
Like you.....
Adore you.....
Maybe.....

Are you the one for me?
The one with whom
My match was made to be?

You flirt with me too
You make me laugh
Until tears run down my cheeks....
Then you do something
And the cycle starts all over again.

You make me smile
You make me laugh
You're a senior...
Can you like a little freshman like me?

Just keep me laughing
And I'll be happy.
But not as happy as I would be
If you would ask me to prom.....
^ --------------------------------------->for "w"

I don't know if I love you
I don't know if I like you
I do know that we have much in common.
We are musicians
We have voices
And we're not afraid to make ourselves heard.

We know the same teachers
We know the same students
We know the same songs
Even the same words to the same songs in the same musicals....

We know about ornamental cats
About Phantom of the Opera
And about dancing
And we know about serving better than the rest....

After all
We were Mr. Whiteside's favorite
We were the Stanleys' favorite
Am I your favorite?
Do I stand a chance?

You were my first guy friend
You were my first co-author
In a work that was finished
Now, will you be my first boyfriend?

I count myself blessed
You said you would take me to a dance
You asked me to help you practice

You even asked me to confide in you
When there wasn't anyone I wanted to trust.
Now will you ask me the one thing that I'm longing for?

Ask me to be yours.

^ -------------------------------------------------> for "(b)"




How pathetic am I?

Compare These Pics....

Compare these pics:
Mom and me.....

fifteen years later.....
me and Jillian (NOT my own baby.... lol)

MUSICAL!!!!

So, yeah, I made musical, which makes me very happy. I was really ticked at first because I have a small part, but it was petty and I got over it...... unlike some people! Zack quit musical because he didn't get a big enough part! Idiot! So I'm mad at him, but I miss him so much, and now that Valentine's Day is around the corner, I miss him even more. I wanted so badly to hang out with him at musical and strengthen our relationship, but now.... nothin' doin.

But, about musical...

I have three speaking lines and a singing solo, which is better than some people got. Plus, Mme Wagner said that they gave us solos based on our singing ability, and that to get one of these solos you have to be pretty good. Needless to say, the three who have these solos are me, Jenn, and Becky. Coincedence? I think not! That makes me feel special ;)

Ummm, yeah, don't I wish

Another quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle... What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? MY RESULT:Dream Girl You’ve got it all – affection, a cool head, a positive attitude, and all that other stuff that guys want their girlfriends to have. You’re light-hearted, fun, romantic and not too sleazy – a great combination. When you start a relationship, there’s a good chance the guy will totally fall for you, whether he intended to or not. Keep up the great attitude and you’re sure to be a heartbreaker. (Please just try to be gentle.) Take This Quiz!

LOL!

Another quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle... What's Your Flirt Style? MY RESULT:Extreme Cool You play it so cool, your crushes don’t even know you’re crushing on them – but somehow, they can’t get you off their minds. The more common name for this flirt technique is “playing hard to get.” (Forgive us for going for the more obscure but devastatingly cooler name of “extreme cool”). It’s an age-old technique that works pretty great and keeps your vulnerability levels nice and low. Just be sure that you make your move at some point. Getting your crush to think you’re cool is only half the battle. The other half is getting them to date you. Take This Quiz!

To Ask... Or Not To Ask...

I want to go the to Valentine's dance with Zack. But of course he would never ask me. So should I ask him?

-------------------------------->Potential Conversation:
Me: Hey Zack. Are you going to the Valentine's dance? I was just wondering. I refuse to go to a dance without a date or escort or whatever they're called, but I really want to go. I've been asking my guy friends, but so far I haven't had any luck. Will you?

Grrrrr.

Cheesy.

Pathetic.

Embaressing.

But, oh dear Lord, what if it would really work?

RENT

I know I already have this song, but I love the city backdrop! It's soooo beautiful!!!!

Musical Results.... Drumroll Please!!!

Well, I made it. I am a cast member in the musical Fiddler on the Roof. Yeah.

Too bad that my character is so small that she doesn't even have any lines. Yeah. I'm trying to be happy that I at least made it, but it's not working. Sara Dorman has taken my role, and she can't act worth crap. Yes, she can sing, but she can't act. At all. And it makes me really mad.

One consolation: Zack has a tiny role too, so he won't be kissing anyone onstage at least. Haha.







Here's to thoughts, memories, and pictures of a better, much happier day. Cheers!

My Baby Names... Special for my cousin :)

Girls
Moriana Christine -for my sister that i never had and because i just happen to like the name and christine because of phantom of the opera

Angelina Janel -for my ex-youth pastor and an awesome camp counselor

Nicola Anne Noel

Lyssa Nicole -for my best friend and my cousin

Margeret Elaine -for my cousin (Meg) and because i like the name

Catherine Elizabeth

Rebeka Alexandra

Sarah Marie -Sarah for my first official acting role

Deborah Juliette -for my awesome music teacher and julie andrews

Emily Angela -awesome co-stars

Aubrey Kayla - same

Lucille Elise -for my cousin

Sylvia Lynn -for another cousin!

Boys
Thomas Matthew -my doll (lol) and my uncle, and i love the name

Erik Michael -for phantom

Zachary Aaron -take a wild guess

Jacob Daniel -awesome costars

Benjamen John -same

Aaron... also wonderful.... oh la la!

Tea Party part 1

Too funny!!!!

Tea Party part 2

and again.... too silly for words!!

TRIO: Julie Andrews, Eliza Doolittle & Mary Poppins sing!

Sillyness

Carol Burnett and Julie Andrews

ROTFL!!!!

The wonderful, absolutely, amazing Zachary Strickler at his best.... with me!!!!

wicked

I love this. Wicked is so awesome!

Phantom Creation, The Phantom, the snake, and the chipmunks

Too phunny to pass up....

Phantom of the Opera (stage performance)

Antonio Banderas is seriously hott!!!!! Oh la la..... very hott

South Pacific-Nothing like a dame (Original Screenplay)

This has to be the best song in the whole movie.... too bad these stupid japanese/chinese/korean/whatever they are marr the view!

Carousel 1956- If I Loved You (reprise)

I've never seen Carousel... hmmm....

Phantom of the Opera - Sixteen Going on Seventeen

This is pretty cool... phantom and sound of music at the same time!

Whitney Houston-There Is Music In You-TV Movie Cinderella

"There's Music In You" is my current voice lesson song...

Cinderella - Stepsisters' Lament

Lol. I seriously love, love, love this song! It expresses a lot of my feeling really really well... and it's funny too!

The Addams Family - Original 60's TV Sitcom

More Addams Family - "Fester's Mail Order Bride"

The Addams Family - Original 60's TV Sitcom

I love the Addam's Family!!!! It's funny!

Addams Family theme

Hehehe

Elvis Presley - jailhouse rock

Elvis.... wonderful..... hott..... lol

If I Were a Rich Man - Topol

We're doing Fiddler on the Roof for the spring musical.... I don't know if I made it or not yet, but of course this musical and this song in particular are very close to my heart. And hips. Lol

The Phantom of the Opera - No one would listen

I love this song!!!! It's so pretty.... and Gerard Butler has such a gorgeous voice!

Jolly Holiday

Two geniuses.... Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dike... Isn't it wonderful?

The Sound of Music - The Lonely Goatherd

Sound of Music.... and Julie.... this is one of my favorite songs, cuz it's just funny!

Cinderella

a slideshow w/ lots of julie pics.... again, one of my fave musicals

My Fair Lady - Julie Andrews

Oh la la.......... Julie is the best actress ever!

Julie Andrews-Cinderella

Wonderful musical, wonderful actress..... oh la la!!

The Phantom of the Opry

Julie rocks!!!!! Listen closely.... this is really "phunny"

Anything Goes Part 1 of 3

The song for the musical audition come from this musical!!!!!!!!!!! Try about 25 mins through, and you should be right at it!!! Enjoy!!!!!!!

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast show at MGM Studios

Seasons of Love

A performance of Seasons of Love by the rent movie cast on the today show.

Wicked!!!!

The whole show..... Wicked!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lion King the Musical

Join Simba, Scar, Timon and Pumbaa live on stage at the Lyceum Theatre in London's West End.