I really need to talk to someone...... Someone who I can trust, isn't in my family, and might actually understand and sympathize with what I'm going through...... I need to talk to Katie.
On the bright side...... J'adore le ange de musique, le fantome de l'Opera, Gerard Butler, et practique! Oh la la!
Mon dieu, there is no bright side. I'm so scared, and I don't know where to turn. My friends at school seem so "polite" to me anymore, like I did something to offend them and they don't want to tell me. I don't feel like I can tell my best friend, because it's a family issue, and I'm so afraid she'll say I'm being selfish or over-reacting. And I don't want to tell my family, because I don't want anything leaking out to this person, and my family is falling apart anyway......
My babies need me to be strong. They need me to show them that everything is okay. They need someone they can trust......
How am I supposed to go to NYC to college? How can I leave my little ones? I want to be here for them! I don't want to feel abandoned, I don't want to leave them! They need me.......
Sigh, another sleepless night tonight. So many problems, so many nightmares, so few dreams..... All the dreams I've ever dreampt have become nightmares. Is there no relief?
I held a tiny baby today. She was so beautiful. How I wish I had a chance!!!
I'll just keep swimming down, down, down. There's no point in trying to reach dry ground, I'm drowned.
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