Just a few pics of the cutest kids in the whole wide world! Chas, Charlie, Britty, and my bros.
I'll just keep swimming down, down, down. There's no point in trying to reach dry ground, I'm drowned.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2008
And, so, another year begins. Another tragic existance, justified only by the lives of a few precious people. Another spring musical will begin, and another round of tests, essays, and torture. Another round of mid-terms, another round of birthdays, another year of holidays that aren't worth celebrating. Another year of absolute boredom in dull PA.
As for resolutions? I've resolved to not make any resolutions; they all get broken anyway! I am determined to lose weight, though. I'll get back down to 110 if it kills me. No more chocolate for me! I'll just stare at my blog template and drool...
Anyway, happy new year. Anybody going to New York soon? TAKE ME WITH YOU!!! :* (
As for resolutions? I've resolved to not make any resolutions; they all get broken anyway! I am determined to lose weight, though. I'll get back down to 110 if it kills me. No more chocolate for me! I'll just stare at my blog template and drool...
Anyway, happy new year. Anybody going to New York soon? TAKE ME WITH YOU!!! :* (
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Christmas Cheer
Christmas
Joy to the world
God rest ye merry gentlemen...
God, rest me, too.
Give me life
And peace of mind
And the courage to go on
Or the courage to give up.
Give me strength to face each day
To face each aunt
Each grandparent
To face each fear.
Give me trust
Because, by golly,
Everyone that I used to love
Trust
Believe in...
They've left me
High and dry.
No wonder I have no hope
No wonder I have no choice.
I left it in Montandon.
I left it in West Milton...
He stole it away to Tennessee
She took it to Delaware
And now there's none left in Pennsylvania.
The only thing that's here
Is pain
Doubt
Fear
And faithlessness.
People who hug me
People who say they love me
But they harbor runaways -
People who run away with my heart.
And I hate it.
And at this time
When all is "merry and bright"
I am simply dreary
Weary of my plight.
And I ask again
Why am I here?
Why do I live?
God, why do you torment me so
With endless heartbreaks
Fears
And lost hope.
So, I say to you all
Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
May it be cheerful
Colorful
Hopeful
Fun...
I pray that I don't die of a broken heart
Before I get to see it.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Bah! Humbug!
So it's Christmas. Yippee skippy. My earlier entusiasm has worn off completely as I realize daily how hard it is to survive a holiday without the people who are most important to you. Everyone is like, "Well, you can't let it ruin Christmas!" Yes I can, and yes I will. I can't completely ignore the fact that a part of me goes missing every time someone leaves me. And if people don't like it, they can get over it.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Blah - enjoy this one, Courtney. It's looong.
Blah.... that's about all there is to say. Life sucks right now, despite the fact that I've discovered another INCREDIBLE musical - Cats! It's amazing... I'm begging for the soundtrack for Christmas (w/ Elaine Paige as Grizabella).... lol, but if you've never seen it and you want to, I have it on my video blog (www.jadevideos-inluvwitheb.blogspot.com).
Other than that, life is really crappy. I have a French test at school tomorrow, the children's musical was horrible... Grammy and Aunt Glenda showed up and I couldn't talk to them. I couldn't! I went backstage and cried, and Paula Dorman and Chrisi Ranck tried to cheer me up. But it was awful. And, despite all of my previous Christmas joys, I am now dreading Christmas.
Ha! Christmas.... what's that? I know it's a national holiday of some sort. Something about some God coming to earth as a baby, born of a virgin, to save his people. But why celebrate that? How stupid! What do we care? Everyone in the world gathers with their families to celebrate this incredible holiday when Christ came down as a baby. But I don't really have much of a family anymore. No one gives a darn. Aunt Glenda has come back like a ghost, but I don't even know her anymore! Who is this old woman? She's not the dear aunt I used to know... she looks like she's been had too many times by too many different people, and it scares me. I can't stand to get near her. But then I realize... I never knew much about her anyway. I knew that she didn't like Elvis. I knew what kind of powder she wore - in fact, I have a can of the stuff just so that I can smell my dear aunt every time I open it. But I don't know much else. She was a good artist. I could pick out clothing that she would wear every time I went shopping. I even have shoes that remind me of her! But all I knew were the outside things. I think I love her, but did I ever truly know her?
It's the same thing with [Uncle] Wally. I knew he loved his pretzals... like mad, he loved those dang pretzals! Every time we went to their house, there were pretzals and icecream. Always. There was also colgate toothpaste. And VO5 shampoo. I know he had Honey Bear... or Aunt Glenda did.... someone did! I know he did Angel Tree... I can't even go past the stupid table without bawling! I feel so stupid. But I don't know what to do about it.
Thanks to Facebook and this blog, I've reconnected with my cousins. But even there, I don't feel like I know them. My family means the world to me, and it's falling apart. Heaven help me, the only thing I have to hang on to is my music and my schooling, and even that fails me at times. I can't live off of good grades and good roles. But that's all I have! I have friends, I guess, but most of them have their own little "best friend" cliques. What do I have? I have Jenn. And half the time we're fighting too much to be friends. All anyone cares about is school.
Everyone thinks that I should be over every that's happened to me. But I'm not even sure that I know about everything that has happened to me. I know there's a reason why I am so afraid of "Pappy John," but everyone assures me that he's just a creepy old man. I don't know who my grandmother is. I'm afraid I never will. I'm afraid she'll go to her grave bearing the secret of the woman that she truly is, leaving as her only legacy Cinderella and Elvis. And I will be the only one who cares. I'm afraid that Aunt Caterina thinks poorly of me - like the rest of the world does. Everyone thinks that I'm nothing but a drama queen. They think that everything I say and do is an exaggeration of the perfectly normal feelings that I have. But that's not true! I want people to look beyond what they see of short, fat, ugly, dramatic me. There's so much more to me than that! SO MUCH MORE!
Why can't they see that I'm a person too? What makes people think that I don't give crap about anybody but myself? Pastor Bill (and everyone else) always want me to come to youth group, and it drives me nuts! I hate youth group, but nobody cares about that. They just want their attendence to go up. I'm so sick of church, youth group, and everything else in this stupid community, in this stupid state, in this stupid world. God, if you're out there, help me out here! I need it!
This sucks.
Other than that, life is really crappy. I have a French test at school tomorrow, the children's musical was horrible... Grammy and Aunt Glenda showed up and I couldn't talk to them. I couldn't! I went backstage and cried, and Paula Dorman and Chrisi Ranck tried to cheer me up. But it was awful. And, despite all of my previous Christmas joys, I am now dreading Christmas.
Ha! Christmas.... what's that? I know it's a national holiday of some sort. Something about some God coming to earth as a baby, born of a virgin, to save his people. But why celebrate that? How stupid! What do we care? Everyone in the world gathers with their families to celebrate this incredible holiday when Christ came down as a baby. But I don't really have much of a family anymore. No one gives a darn. Aunt Glenda has come back like a ghost, but I don't even know her anymore! Who is this old woman? She's not the dear aunt I used to know... she looks like she's been had too many times by too many different people, and it scares me. I can't stand to get near her. But then I realize... I never knew much about her anyway. I knew that she didn't like Elvis. I knew what kind of powder she wore - in fact, I have a can of the stuff just so that I can smell my dear aunt every time I open it. But I don't know much else. She was a good artist. I could pick out clothing that she would wear every time I went shopping. I even have shoes that remind me of her! But all I knew were the outside things. I think I love her, but did I ever truly know her?
It's the same thing with [Uncle] Wally. I knew he loved his pretzals... like mad, he loved those dang pretzals! Every time we went to their house, there were pretzals and icecream. Always. There was also colgate toothpaste. And VO5 shampoo. I know he had Honey Bear... or Aunt Glenda did.... someone did! I know he did Angel Tree... I can't even go past the stupid table without bawling! I feel so stupid. But I don't know what to do about it.
Thanks to Facebook and this blog, I've reconnected with my cousins. But even there, I don't feel like I know them. My family means the world to me, and it's falling apart. Heaven help me, the only thing I have to hang on to is my music and my schooling, and even that fails me at times. I can't live off of good grades and good roles. But that's all I have! I have friends, I guess, but most of them have their own little "best friend" cliques. What do I have? I have Jenn. And half the time we're fighting too much to be friends. All anyone cares about is school.
Everyone thinks that I should be over every that's happened to me. But I'm not even sure that I know about everything that has happened to me. I know there's a reason why I am so afraid of "Pappy John," but everyone assures me that he's just a creepy old man. I don't know who my grandmother is. I'm afraid I never will. I'm afraid she'll go to her grave bearing the secret of the woman that she truly is, leaving as her only legacy Cinderella and Elvis. And I will be the only one who cares. I'm afraid that Aunt Caterina thinks poorly of me - like the rest of the world does. Everyone thinks that I'm nothing but a drama queen. They think that everything I say and do is an exaggeration of the perfectly normal feelings that I have. But that's not true! I want people to look beyond what they see of short, fat, ugly, dramatic me. There's so much more to me than that! SO MUCH MORE!
Why can't they see that I'm a person too? What makes people think that I don't give crap about anybody but myself? Pastor Bill (and everyone else) always want me to come to youth group, and it drives me nuts! I hate youth group, but nobody cares about that. They just want their attendence to go up. I'm so sick of church, youth group, and everything else in this stupid community, in this stupid state, in this stupid world. God, if you're out there, help me out here! I need it!
This sucks.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Bla bla bla....
It's Christmas, I have a concert on Tuesday, and I get to see all of my friends from last year. 'Nuff said. ;)
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Belleau Wood by Garth Brooks
Belleau Woods - a gorgeous song that made me cry
Oh, the snowflakes fell in silence
Over Belleau Wood that night
For a Christmas truce had been declared
By both sides of the fight
As we lay there in our trenches
The silence broke in two
By a German soldier singing
A song that we all knew
Though I did not know the language
The song was "Silent Night"
Then I heard my buddy whisper,
"All is calm and all is bright"
Then the fear and doubt surrounded
'Cause I'd die if I was wrong
But I stood up in my trench
And I began to sing along
Then across the frozen battlefield
Another's voice joined in
Until one by one each man became
A singer of the hymn
Then I thought that I was dreaming
For right there in my sight
Stood the German soldier
'Neath the falling flakes of white
And he raised his hand and smiled at me
As if he seemed to say
Here's hoping we both live
To see us find a better way
Then the devil's clock struck midnight
And the skies lit up again
And the battlefield where heaven stood
Was blown to hell again
But for just one fleeting moment
The answer seemed so clear
Heaven's not beyond the clouds
It's just beyond the fear
No, heaven's not beyond the clouds
It's for us to find it here
Oh, the snowflakes fell in silence
Over Belleau Wood that night
For a Christmas truce had been declared
By both sides of the fight
As we lay there in our trenches
The silence broke in two
By a German soldier singing
A song that we all knew
Though I did not know the language
The song was "Silent Night"
Then I heard my buddy whisper,
"All is calm and all is bright"
Then the fear and doubt surrounded
'Cause I'd die if I was wrong
But I stood up in my trench
And I began to sing along
Then across the frozen battlefield
Another's voice joined in
Until one by one each man became
A singer of the hymn
Then I thought that I was dreaming
For right there in my sight
Stood the German soldier
'Neath the falling flakes of white
And he raised his hand and smiled at me
As if he seemed to say
Here's hoping we both live
To see us find a better way
Then the devil's clock struck midnight
And the skies lit up again
And the battlefield where heaven stood
Was blown to hell again
But for just one fleeting moment
The answer seemed so clear
Heaven's not beyond the clouds
It's just beyond the fear
No, heaven's not beyond the clouds
It's for us to find it here
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Vive le vent!
IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you tell I'm just a little happy about the holidays? I love Christmas sooo much. I'm so glad I decided to have a good Christmas this year. So, here's my life since I last posted:
Monday I had chamber choir (of course). I also made Buche de Noel, and I also turned 16! I also dissolved my friendship with Jenn. We're no longer speaking to each other, probably never will again. But, overall, I had a great birthday.
Yesterday I skipped ballet and went to chamber choir. It snowed a little.
Today it snowed again... a lot!!! It's all white outside, so so pretty. I've been playing the part of the Christmas elf today, giving Christmas cards to all of my favorite teachers, singing "Deck the Halls" and "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" in French all day long. So, here we go... dedicated to all of my friends, family, and teachers who are making the holidays incredibly livable (and lovable).
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayex un joyeux noel
Et une nouvelle annee!
On veut du pudding de figue
On veut du pudding de figue
On veut du pudding de figue
Et du boire epice!
Nous quittons que nous le prendrons
Nous quittons que nous le prendrons
Nous quittons que nous le prendrons
Alors, apportez!
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayex un joyeux noel
Et une nouvelle annee!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Branches doux a l'air si joli
Fa la la la la la la la la
C'est le saison de la folie
Fa la la la la la la la la
Vettisons en costume fette
Fa la la la la la la la la
Pour chanter ce que tous souheitte
Fa la la la la la la la la
Can you tell I'm just a little happy about the holidays? I love Christmas sooo much. I'm so glad I decided to have a good Christmas this year. So, here's my life since I last posted:
Monday I had chamber choir (of course). I also made Buche de Noel, and I also turned 16! I also dissolved my friendship with Jenn. We're no longer speaking to each other, probably never will again. But, overall, I had a great birthday.
Yesterday I skipped ballet and went to chamber choir. It snowed a little.
Today it snowed again... a lot!!! It's all white outside, so so pretty. I've been playing the part of the Christmas elf today, giving Christmas cards to all of my favorite teachers, singing "Deck the Halls" and "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" in French all day long. So, here we go... dedicated to all of my friends, family, and teachers who are making the holidays incredibly livable (and lovable).
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayex un joyeux noel
Et une nouvelle annee!
On veut du pudding de figue
On veut du pudding de figue
On veut du pudding de figue
Et du boire epice!
Nous quittons que nous le prendrons
Nous quittons que nous le prendrons
Nous quittons que nous le prendrons
Alors, apportez!
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayez un joyeux noel
Ayex un joyeux noel
Et une nouvelle annee!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Branches doux a l'air si joli
Fa la la la la la la la la
C'est le saison de la folie
Fa la la la la la la la la
Vettisons en costume fette
Fa la la la la la la la la
Pour chanter ce que tous souheitte
Fa la la la la la la la la
Sunday, December 02, 2007
My Random Vent... since Courtney loves them so much! ;)
Well, basically, here's life for me:
I'm no longer friends with Jenn, and I feel like I've lost my sister. She and I had a pathetic fight and we both said and did some really nasty things, and I'm sorry that this had to happen and don't know how to tell her what. We were so close for so long, we were closer than sisters, and I don't know what I'm going to do now that it's over.
I hate going to church. We're doing angel tree and I can't walk past the dang table without crying. I'm sick of all the hypocrisy; people being oh so righteous in church and then being a pain in everyone's butt outside of church. Yelling at me for swearing and then turning around and calling someone a be-otch. Complaining about how immodest my clothing is and showing more cleavage than I do half the time. Complaining about how people treat them and then treating me the same way. I'm sick of the politics of church. I'm sick of how they treat the teen volunteers. They want us to volunteer, but it's not like we're worth anything to them! We're disposable. Teens can't be caregivers in the nursery because they have no experience, they're irresponsible, bla bla bla. I am just as responsible as the ninety year old who raised 100 grandchildren - and less likely to drop dead any day (from old age anyway). I'll be sixteen in exactly 25 hours and 48 minutes... so I have two years until I'll be eighteen, the magic switch will flip, and I'll suddenly be a responsible adult! OOOO, wow..... In the meantime, I get to sit in church and have my grandfather stare at my bust. Joy unspeakable.
Oh, and I have more school work than I know what to do with. This week is christkindl here in cowtown, and so I have two concerts to do and I have to bake "Buche de Noel" and work in the French Club Cafe. I also have a six-page biology report to finish for tomorrow. Yes, that's right... tomorrow!
One good thing: I'm so excited that Courtney's getting married! I can't wait! She asked me to help her plan and I'm so happy. I feel really special and important, and I learned tonight that she didn't despise me and think I was annoying my whole life like I thought she did. And than almost compensates for all of the other CRAP that is going on. So, thank you Courtney.
So, basically, if you pray, pray for me now. I need help and support now more than ever. OH! I forgot the other really big thing (which I'm sure you all know about by now anyway). Aunt Glenda's back. She's living with Grammy again and I don't know if I can deal with it. I was so excited for Christmas and now I'm not so sure about anything again. So please, pray for me.
Here's the poem that I wrote in my aim info. Please take it figuratively, not seriously, but read it. It's reading my bare soul to read that poem.
Hanging from the nearest tree
With a rope around my neck
The rope is frayed...
I'm afraid it's soon going to snap.
I'm afraid to go
But I'm afraid to stay
There's so much I know
So much I hate
So much I fear
And I wonder
Truly, deeply wonder...
Is it too late?
Too late to live?
Too late to die?
Too late to be more
Than just another person
On this crowded earth
Just another student trying to graduate
Just another face
Just another name...
Another someone to forget.
Don't forget!
Remember me!
I want to be more!
I want to be special!
There's still time...
Cut this rope from around my neck
Let me down
Let me live
Let me be....
Let me be me.
I learned my lesson once, never again will I truly contemplate suicide. I made that vow to God, myself, and my family. So don't worry. Just pray.
I'm no longer friends with Jenn, and I feel like I've lost my sister. She and I had a pathetic fight and we both said and did some really nasty things, and I'm sorry that this had to happen and don't know how to tell her what. We were so close for so long, we were closer than sisters, and I don't know what I'm going to do now that it's over.
I hate going to church. We're doing angel tree and I can't walk past the dang table without crying. I'm sick of all the hypocrisy; people being oh so righteous in church and then being a pain in everyone's butt outside of church. Yelling at me for swearing and then turning around and calling someone a be-otch. Complaining about how immodest my clothing is and showing more cleavage than I do half the time. Complaining about how people treat them and then treating me the same way. I'm sick of the politics of church. I'm sick of how they treat the teen volunteers. They want us to volunteer, but it's not like we're worth anything to them! We're disposable. Teens can't be caregivers in the nursery because they have no experience, they're irresponsible, bla bla bla. I am just as responsible as the ninety year old who raised 100 grandchildren - and less likely to drop dead any day (from old age anyway). I'll be sixteen in exactly 25 hours and 48 minutes... so I have two years until I'll be eighteen, the magic switch will flip, and I'll suddenly be a responsible adult! OOOO, wow..... In the meantime, I get to sit in church and have my grandfather stare at my bust. Joy unspeakable.
Oh, and I have more school work than I know what to do with. This week is christkindl here in cowtown, and so I have two concerts to do and I have to bake "Buche de Noel" and work in the French Club Cafe. I also have a six-page biology report to finish for tomorrow. Yes, that's right... tomorrow!
One good thing: I'm so excited that Courtney's getting married! I can't wait! She asked me to help her plan and I'm so happy. I feel really special and important, and I learned tonight that she didn't despise me and think I was annoying my whole life like I thought she did. And than almost compensates for all of the other CRAP that is going on. So, thank you Courtney.
So, basically, if you pray, pray for me now. I need help and support now more than ever. OH! I forgot the other really big thing (which I'm sure you all know about by now anyway). Aunt Glenda's back. She's living with Grammy again and I don't know if I can deal with it. I was so excited for Christmas and now I'm not so sure about anything again. So please, pray for me.
Here's the poem that I wrote in my aim info. Please take it figuratively, not seriously, but read it. It's reading my bare soul to read that poem.
Hanging from the nearest tree
With a rope around my neck
The rope is frayed...
I'm afraid it's soon going to snap.
I'm afraid to go
But I'm afraid to stay
There's so much I know
So much I hate
So much I fear
And I wonder
Truly, deeply wonder...
Is it too late?
Too late to live?
Too late to die?
Too late to be more
Than just another person
On this crowded earth
Just another student trying to graduate
Just another face
Just another name...
Another someone to forget.
Don't forget!
Remember me!
I want to be more!
I want to be special!
There's still time...
Cut this rope from around my neck
Let me down
Let me live
Let me be....
Let me be me.
I learned my lesson once, never again will I truly contemplate suicide. I made that vow to God, myself, and my family. So don't worry. Just pray.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Oh la la
Well, play was truly amazing. It was funny and well-done... everyone I talked to loved it. Aunt Glenda and Grammy came Friday night (as well as Aunt Trine and Uncle Dave). During the question and answer period, someone brought up the fact that I (Doris) had been dating Harnell before the divorce was finalized, and I looked straight at them and said "Tradition." They got my point...
But it was a lot of fun. I'll post some pictures as soon as I have them. Wait 'til you see my hair!
P.S. IT SNOWED!!! The first snow of winter on the final night of the play. It was so magical!
But it was a lot of fun. I'll post some pictures as soon as I have them. Wait 'til you see my hair!
P.S. IT SNOWED!!! The first snow of winter on the final night of the play. It was so magical!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Blah.
Well, yeah, life momentarily sucks. Aunt Glenda has moved back here with Grammy Pat and may be coming to see the play. My brothers and I seem to be the only ones who are worried about it. The rest of the world thinks we should just get over everything that happened and its not that easy. Blah.
I'm sick as a dog, with a really bad cold, and the play is this week. Blah.
My stupid grandfather is a perverted old man who won't stop staring at me. In church, of all places. Blah.
I miss Zack. I think I might be starting to like someone else. Blah.
I gained weight again, so I'm back on a diet. Blah.
I got, like 4 B's on my report card. Blah.
I have to write a letter to my French pen pal who has yet to respond to anything. Blah.
Oh, and my birthday is in 20 days. I turn 16. Yikes. Blah.
I'm sick as a dog, with a really bad cold, and the play is this week. Blah.
My stupid grandfather is a perverted old man who won't stop staring at me. In church, of all places. Blah.
I miss Zack. I think I might be starting to like someone else. Blah.
I gained weight again, so I'm back on a diet. Blah.
I got, like 4 B's on my report card. Blah.
I have to write a letter to my French pen pal who has yet to respond to anything. Blah.
Oh, and my birthday is in 20 days. I turn 16. Yikes. Blah.
Monday, November 05, 2007
I Love Lucy- Ethel's
OMG I had no idea Ethel was such an incredible soprano! Listen to her sing the beginning of that aria!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I just know I'm bipolar.... I can't explain this any other way!
Well, here we go again.... Today was what you might call an "emotional roller coaster." I was late to school this morning, which sucked, but Mme Gillot didn't notice, so I didn't have to get a pass (and thus, get detention). At least, if she noticed, she didn't say anything. I got a 90 on my American Cultures quiz, which actually isn't that bad for me, and I understand the junk that we're doing in Geo. Unfortunately, we had to revise our Communications papers (I got a friekin' 80!!), and that sucked. Of course, food power was as dull as ever. I don't know how I stay awake every day in that stupid class.
Lunch was, well, interesting. It started out fine, with me studying for my bio quiz, but it ended with me trying to make my friends understand that my "beloved" aunt might be moving back here. I failed my bio test.
Then I had a vocal lab. I was supposed to have a driver's ed test, but he moved it to tomorrow. So I got to go be the only soprano in a vocal lab with Jenn, Becky, Porche, and Rosie. It was actually kinda fun. Then, of course, choir. Mrs. Wagner was being her normal obnoxious self. She wore a skirt today with a slit up to calamazoo, and you should've heard all of the bass's stupid comments. It was sooo funny!
Study Period I went up to her room to "practice." I sang one song, called Misty, and started bawling like a baby. It's a good thing I holed myself up in the piano closet, because I cried all period. I cried over Aunt Glenda, Aunt Caterina, over everything that I just found out. I cried because I miss Uncle Wally and Aunt Glenda so much.... because he's not even my uncle anymore.... because I can remember his laugh, and his cough, and his rattling pretzal bag. I can remember her "sweet" demeanor, how much she always used to cater to me and make me feel special. I remember going shopping with Nicholynn and Megan... I hear their voices in my dreams, and wake up sobbing because I'm afraid I'll never hear them again. I remember playing school in their basement with Megan, or making T-shirts with them (which I still have, by the way)..... I remember Honey Bear, and Hobie the beagle, and the smell of their house, and the layout, and the furniture.... dang it, I remember the friekin' colors of each individual room!! And I miss it all so much. I just wish that life would go back to the way it was. And then I cried because I was (am) angry at Aunt Caterina for not telling us that Glenda stopped to visit. No, I found out from my 8 and 9 year old cousins, who shouldn't have to be going through any of this. I found out that my aunt may be moving back to Mifflinburg, and anyone I talk to says that's a good thing; now we can reconciled and life can go back to the way it was. What don't they get about this? It will never be the same! And I'm not sure I can even talk to her, much less pretend that nothing is different.
After I spent the whole 1/2 hour crying, I went to my locker and did play practice. That, at least, went well. I did the entire act without my book, and, although it could've been more dramatic, it was good. Play was over at 5:30.
Then I got my concert blacks on (YAY!!!!!) and did my hair and make-up to go sing with Mrs. Wagner. She needed people to sing with her, and she asked me, Jenn, and Becky, just the three of us, to go with her. So we spent some time getting ready, and when we got there, we had a great time singing. There were a few people we knew there (like Mrs. Gillot!), but since we were just background music, it wasn't a very big deal. Still, it was a lot of fun, and then Mrs. Wagner drove me home and now I'm sitting here, still in my concert attire, wondering if I'm truly happy or sad, angry or scared or worried or ecstatic.
I swear, I MUST be bipolar!
Lunch was, well, interesting. It started out fine, with me studying for my bio quiz, but it ended with me trying to make my friends understand that my "beloved" aunt might be moving back here. I failed my bio test.
Then I had a vocal lab. I was supposed to have a driver's ed test, but he moved it to tomorrow. So I got to go be the only soprano in a vocal lab with Jenn, Becky, Porche, and Rosie. It was actually kinda fun. Then, of course, choir. Mrs. Wagner was being her normal obnoxious self. She wore a skirt today with a slit up to calamazoo, and you should've heard all of the bass's stupid comments. It was sooo funny!
Study Period I went up to her room to "practice." I sang one song, called Misty, and started bawling like a baby. It's a good thing I holed myself up in the piano closet, because I cried all period. I cried over Aunt Glenda, Aunt Caterina, over everything that I just found out. I cried because I miss Uncle Wally and Aunt Glenda so much.... because he's not even my uncle anymore.... because I can remember his laugh, and his cough, and his rattling pretzal bag. I can remember her "sweet" demeanor, how much she always used to cater to me and make me feel special. I remember going shopping with Nicholynn and Megan... I hear their voices in my dreams, and wake up sobbing because I'm afraid I'll never hear them again. I remember playing school in their basement with Megan, or making T-shirts with them (which I still have, by the way)..... I remember Honey Bear, and Hobie the beagle, and the smell of their house, and the layout, and the furniture.... dang it, I remember the friekin' colors of each individual room!! And I miss it all so much. I just wish that life would go back to the way it was. And then I cried because I was (am) angry at Aunt Caterina for not telling us that Glenda stopped to visit. No, I found out from my 8 and 9 year old cousins, who shouldn't have to be going through any of this. I found out that my aunt may be moving back to Mifflinburg, and anyone I talk to says that's a good thing; now we can reconciled and life can go back to the way it was. What don't they get about this? It will never be the same! And I'm not sure I can even talk to her, much less pretend that nothing is different.
After I spent the whole 1/2 hour crying, I went to my locker and did play practice. That, at least, went well. I did the entire act without my book, and, although it could've been more dramatic, it was good. Play was over at 5:30.
Then I got my concert blacks on (YAY!!!!!) and did my hair and make-up to go sing with Mrs. Wagner. She needed people to sing with her, and she asked me, Jenn, and Becky, just the three of us, to go with her. So we spent some time getting ready, and when we got there, we had a great time singing. There were a few people we knew there (like Mrs. Gillot!), but since we were just background music, it wasn't a very big deal. Still, it was a lot of fun, and then Mrs. Wagner drove me home and now I'm sitting here, still in my concert attire, wondering if I'm truly happy or sad, angry or scared or worried or ecstatic.
I swear, I MUST be bipolar!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Memories
Here's to you, Megan dearest, for reminding me of these. Also to Nicholynn, Courtney, and Britney, my other wonderful cousins. Don't ever forget the good old times!!! Obviously, many circumstances have changed over the years, but this is a reflection of the past, and will always stay that way. Most of my 8-year-old mistakes have been left in to add to the "nostalgia," but I did seperate paragraphs and dialouge. Originally, this was one HUGE paragraph.
The Wedding Ring
"There, how's that?" Nicholin Keefer, commenly known as Rae, said to Thomas Cole, her fiance. Tom was a weatherman. One time Rae called him on the phone and told me it was her boyfriend, but I didn't believe her. Now she's marrying him in a week. I was ten at the time. When I sleptover at her house I loved to look at her engagement ring. It was very fascinating.
I was filled with dreams of weddings and kids. Rae said soon I'd be wearing a ring. It was hard to imagine. Soon the day of the wedding was here. Rae rushed around getting last-minute things together. Then it was time for the wedding to begin. I watched as Thomas took his place at the front of the church. I could tell he was nervous by the way he kept glancing toward the door. Suddenly the saxophone played telling Rae it was time. Everyone turned around. There she was, Nicholynn. she was beautiful in her simple yet elegent ivory gown with a long train and sleeves. The ceremony took so long. Then finally, rings. The ring was a simple diamond. It fit right into the engagement ring. "You may kiss the bride. I give you Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Cole! It happened so quickly. Now Rae was married and gone. Of course she now lived in the house three down from mine. I visited almost every day after school. Even though Rae was married she didn't change much. That next August it happened. I went to her house like usual but when I knocked no one was there. I ran home and called the hospital. When I asked for Nicholynn Cole she hooked me on. Tom answered.
"What happened!"
"Whoa, you're Jade right?"
"Yeah, sorry."
"Okay, Rae is fine. If you want to come down you can ."
"Okay bye"
When I got to the hospital and found out what room Rae was in I went right away. What I found surprised me. Nicholynn was in the maternity ward! There laying beside her was a little bundle. Rae greeted me. "Hello Jade, come meet Bilbo." And Tom held a beautiful baby boy up for me to see.
"Oh, he's wonderful." I glanced at Rae. S
he said "go ahead!" So there I was with little Bilbo when suddenly the phone rang. I wondered who it was. Then Rae handed the phone to me.
"Hello."
"Hi Jade this is Meg. I want to tell you something."
"What?"
"Bebo proposed and I want you to be my junior bridesmaid!"
"Really?"
"Yes!"
"Oh Meg."
"I wanted you to know. What are you at the hospital?"
"Ask Rae." So I said good-bye and gave the phone to Rae. Soon Meg and Rae were talking about weddings so I got up, said goodbye, gave Bilbo back to Tom, and left. The next few weeks were very busy. I loved shopping for our dark plum dresses. Rae, Courtney, and I were bridesmaids, and Cousin Brit, age four, was the flower girl. The dresses looked lovely. Soon I heard the music that meant we were to come. We went and stood up front. Then, scales from the Moonlight Sonata. Meg was coming. She looked dazzling in her ivory organza bell skirt with an ivory flowered top and short sleeves. Finally the preacher said "rings." I looked at hers and saw it was Rae's but Rae didn't look upset. At the reception I sat between them. I ask Rae why she didn't have the ring. She said she wanted to pass it on through the family. "OH!" Now Courtney was only 15 so no more weddings yet. In November Rae had her second child and named her Lucy. I was so excited. I would be eleven next month and I offered to baby-sit and said she needed a sitter. In January, 2003 Megan had a baby girl and named her Courtney Sarah. Courtney after her cousin. She nick-named her Sare. And I babysat for her too. Courtney's birthday was in March, she turned sixteen and got a driver's liscense. In August Bilbo turned two. There was a surprise party for him. He was adorable. In December Rae really had her hands full. She had twins, a boy and a girl. She named them Peter and Susan. With kids like a stepping-stool, two, one, and two a few weeks I had to keep them off the stepping-stool!
In May, 2004 Meg has twin boys, Bebo and Bilbo. She called them Bee and Bill. In March on her birthday Courtney received a proposal from Greg Thomas. She called me and said she was getting married and was going to live next to me! In 2007 Courtney married. Again I was a bridesmaid. This time I wore peach. Dad didn't like it though. In her red dress and black flat shoes she was the most independent bride I ever saw. I noticed that Megan had passed on the ring as we sat at our table. In two years Courtney had a girl. She named her Mackenzie. Boy, was I busy baby-sitting. I would try to sit whenever I could but my schedule went like this:
Coles Mon.
Normans Tues.
Thomas Wed.
It worked pretty well. In 2011 Courtney has a boy. She named him Matthew, Matt for short. By then I got myself a job as a baby-sitter, kids ages one month - five years. And of course family. That August Nick Vidunas proposed. I said yes. I asked Lucy and Bilbo to be my flower-girl and ring bearer. Nicholynn, Megan, and Courtney were bridesmaids, and Britt was a junior. I took them to find dresses. What we picked were lavender empire-waist dresses with three quarter length sleeves. My dress was ivory with artificial rose buds on the neckline. It had a three foot train that dragged on the ground. I wore a tiara viel that covered my face. I carried pink roses and baby's breath. I was nervous. My cousins told me it would be fine. And it was. Nicholynn started walking up. Finally I heard "Sunrise, Sunset." The rest of the wedding went quickly. Soon it was over. In July I had twin girls. I named them Anastasia and Abigale. Anya and Abi for short. In 2014 I had another girl, Morian. Finally in 2015 I had a son, Elliot. I now wear the ring, but Britt's only twelve...
He he he. That was hilarious. I can't believe how horrible the grammer is! Oh, my gosh. Oh, well. Memories are great, aren't they? I've still got my wedding planned (different than what it was), but I've added baby plans, house plans, and, of all things, funeral plans! I think I'll start posting them, just for the heck of it.....
Monday, October 15, 2007
Hanging the nearest tree.... mentally.
How many more hysterectomies do I have to deal with? I'm so afraid. Today was Aunt Caterina's hysterectomy, and I couldn't be with her, I had to be with her kids. I kept having flashbacks of the day I skipped school to stay with Megan at Hershey. I was so afraid, I felt so nervous. I didn't know if she would live or not; I had no clue how risky surgery would or wouldn't be. I didn't know if I'd ever see Megan again.
Now today, with Aunt Caterina, I knew that it wasn't going to be a huge deal. But I was still frightened and anxious... and, I'm ashamed to admit, as worried about my own future as I was her own experience. I'm afraid I'll never have children. Ever. Oh, and I also found out that my mother had a hysterectomy... and NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Lately, everything from the past several years has crashing back to me. I've heard that Aunt Glenda (dare I call her that?) has moved again and that she isn't with Justin anymore. This of course, was a rumor by way of Devante, but no one else has bothered to tell me anything. I haven't seen Uncle Wally - who's technically not my uncle - since he moved. I only talked to him once. And now Nicholynn and Megan are moving even farther away, and I thought I was mature enough to deal with it. I'm not as upset as I was the first time, but I feel like a piece of me is taking a world tour... while I stay here in Boredom-Heartache County. I miss my old life. A lot.
And I miss Zack. I know Jenn thinks he's pathetic and thinks this is just a passing crush, but I think I truly love him. Would I miss him this much if I didn't? I don't think this longing, this yearning to see him again, would be possible without love.
And I long for New York. I long for my precious Broadway, for my dear, dear city.
My heart is broken into a million pieces, each one being torn a different way. Figuratively speaking, I'm hanging from a sturdy tree with a frayed rope around my neck, the very life squeezed from within me. And I just want to curl up and cry. But I don't want to cry alone.... I want to tell someone, anyone, what's happening, why I'm afraid, why I wish to get away from it all. I want to be free from all of this. I want to fly, fly as far away as possible. And, when I get wherever I'm going, I want my sweet Zack to be waiting there for me. I want the past behind me, crushed into a thousand pieces, and only our future - his, mine, and ours together as one - laid before me, a pathway of diamonds glittering in the starlight of a perfect evening. Oh, if only I could soar to my dreams, leave all that binds me, and live.... truly live.....
Now today, with Aunt Caterina, I knew that it wasn't going to be a huge deal. But I was still frightened and anxious... and, I'm ashamed to admit, as worried about my own future as I was her own experience. I'm afraid I'll never have children. Ever. Oh, and I also found out that my mother had a hysterectomy... and NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Lately, everything from the past several years has crashing back to me. I've heard that Aunt Glenda (dare I call her that?) has moved again and that she isn't with Justin anymore. This of course, was a rumor by way of Devante, but no one else has bothered to tell me anything. I haven't seen Uncle Wally - who's technically not my uncle - since he moved. I only talked to him once. And now Nicholynn and Megan are moving even farther away, and I thought I was mature enough to deal with it. I'm not as upset as I was the first time, but I feel like a piece of me is taking a world tour... while I stay here in Boredom-Heartache County. I miss my old life. A lot.
And I miss Zack. I know Jenn thinks he's pathetic and thinks this is just a passing crush, but I think I truly love him. Would I miss him this much if I didn't? I don't think this longing, this yearning to see him again, would be possible without love.
And I long for New York. I long for my precious Broadway, for my dear, dear city.
My heart is broken into a million pieces, each one being torn a different way. Figuratively speaking, I'm hanging from a sturdy tree with a frayed rope around my neck, the very life squeezed from within me. And I just want to curl up and cry. But I don't want to cry alone.... I want to tell someone, anyone, what's happening, why I'm afraid, why I wish to get away from it all. I want to be free from all of this. I want to fly, fly as far away as possible. And, when I get wherever I'm going, I want my sweet Zack to be waiting there for me. I want the past behind me, crushed into a thousand pieces, and only our future - his, mine, and ours together as one - laid before me, a pathway of diamonds glittering in the starlight of a perfect evening. Oh, if only I could soar to my dreams, leave all that binds me, and live.... truly live.....
Monday, October 01, 2007
The "Spice" of summer
My hair is my normal color right now, but this summer, as I wrote about, I dyed my hair pink. Here, finally, are the long-awaited pictures! Sorry they're sideways, there's nothing I can do about it! ;)
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Life...
So yeah, play is going well, but life pretty much sucks right now. I miss Zack so much it's not friekin' funny... my Zack is away at college and he doesn't even know I exist....
And there are other issues, too. For instance, the creepy old man (who shall remain nameless) who won't stop staring at me. No, it's not a teacher.... it's someone at church, and I'm so scared of him and he WON'T STOP! And the fact that my dad and my "sister" both think that I dress like a whore...
OH! And I got an 86 in American Cultures. That sucks.
And I miss Zack. I really miss Zack. Play just isn't the same without him... I know he's not the man I will end up marrying. I know that in my head... But my heart says that he's the only one I'll ever love! Mrs. Gillot was talking to me today, cause I was really upset and depressed all day long, and she kept asking me what was wrong, so I told her that I really missed Zack, that life isn't the same, bla, bla, bla. She was trying to comfort me, and it kinda worked, for a while...
But, oh well. Mrs. Grubb wants to see me tomorrow. Yikes!
And there are other issues, too. For instance, the creepy old man (who shall remain nameless) who won't stop staring at me. No, it's not a teacher.... it's someone at church, and I'm so scared of him and he WON'T STOP! And the fact that my dad and my "sister" both think that I dress like a whore...
OH! And I got an 86 in American Cultures. That sucks.
And I miss Zack. I really miss Zack. Play just isn't the same without him... I know he's not the man I will end up marrying. I know that in my head... But my heart says that he's the only one I'll ever love! Mrs. Gillot was talking to me today, cause I was really upset and depressed all day long, and she kept asking me what was wrong, so I told her that I really missed Zack, that life isn't the same, bla, bla, bla. She was trying to comfort me, and it kinda worked, for a while...
But, oh well. Mrs. Grubb wants to see me tomorrow. Yikes!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
YAY
Well, I lied... I didn't post as soon as I knew about the audition results. But I'm posting now....
I MADE IT!! I am one of five girls who made it! I can't believe it. The play is called You Have The Right To Remain Dead, and it's gonna be HILARIOUS! I seriously can't wait....
I MADE IT!! I am one of five girls who made it! I can't believe it. The play is called You Have The Right To Remain Dead, and it's gonna be HILARIOUS! I seriously can't wait....
Friday, September 14, 2007
PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, school has started and I am busier than ever. I have some really great classes this year, like, of course, French II and Choir (Chamber Choir!!). My Honors American Cultures II teacher is really funny, and she's a great teacher! I even understand geometry so far. Unfortunately, I also have Drivers' Ed, gym class, and biology. Blech.
The biggest thing right now is play auditions. I auditioned on Wendesday, but now I have to wait until MONDAY!! to find out if I made it or not. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
But I'll update as soon as I know!
The biggest thing right now is play auditions. I auditioned on Wendesday, but now I have to wait until MONDAY!! to find out if I made it or not. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
But I'll update as soon as I know!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Les Miserables
THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIANCE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!! LES MISERABLES ON BROADWAY, MY FIRST SHOW EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem...
Anyway, my parents surprised me and took me to Broadway on Saturday, and it was awesome! Someday, someday.... you will see my name in the playbill!!! Jade Enders (Cosette) or Jade Enders (Christine) or even (Carlotta) or mybe (Fantine) or (Galinda). SOMEDAY!!!!!!!
I'll post my diary entry when I get time (a precious commodity lately). Until then, I LOVE BROADWAY!!!
Ahem...
Anyway, my parents surprised me and took me to Broadway on Saturday, and it was awesome! Someday, someday.... you will see my name in the playbill!!! Jade Enders (Cosette) or Jade Enders (Christine) or even (Carlotta) or mybe (Fantine) or (Galinda). SOMEDAY!!!!!!!
I'll post my diary entry when I get time (a precious commodity lately). Until then, I LOVE BROADWAY!!!
Monday, August 13, 2007
The Best Blogger Survey
* . . About You . . *
Eye Color:: blue
Hair Color:: rainbow (presently red)
Height:: 4'11''
Favorite Color:: pink!
Screen Name:: WickedPhan506
Favorite Band:: none
Favorite Movie:: Phantom of the Opera
Favorite Show:: Murder, She Wrote
Your Car:: n/a
Your Hometown:: Mifflinburg
Your Present Town:: Mifflinburg (sad, huh?)
Your Crushes First Name:: Zack
Your Grade:: 10
Your Style:: girly
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: no
Kissed someone in the rain?: no
Danced in a public place?: yes
Smiled for no reason?: yes
Laughed so hard you cried?: yes
Peed your pants after age 8?: yes
Written a song?: yes
Sang to someone for no reason?: yes
Performed on a stage?: yes
Talked to someone you don't know?: yes
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: yes
Made out in a theatre?: no
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: yes
Been in love?: i wish
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: my bro
Tell you, I love you?: Mum
Kiss you?: no clue
Hug you?: Mum
Tell you BYE?: Theo
Write you a note?: Jenn
Take your photo?: Theo
Call your cell phone?: n/a
Buy you something?: Mum and Dad
Go with you to the movies?: dunno
Sing to you?: Mum
Write a poem about you?: dunno
Text message you?: dunno
Touch you?: in what way?
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: yesterday
Time you cried?: yesterday
Movie you watched?: i forget
Joke you told?: dunno
Song you've sang?: "I'd Rather Have Jesus"
Time you've looked at the clock?: 9:26 AM
Drink you've had?: water
Number you've dialed?: Jenn's
Book you've read?: Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul
Food you've eaten?: ice-cream sandwich
Flavor of gum chewed?: stride sweetmint
Shoes you've worn?: copper high heels
Store you've been in?: Broadway souveneir shop
Thing you've said?: No one else is here, I don't care how I look!
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: kinda
Whistle?: yeah
Blow a bubble?: yeah
Roll your tounge in a circle?: uh-huh
Cross your eyes?: yup
Touch your tounge to your nose?: sorta...
Dance?: heck, yes!
Gleek?: huh?
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: yup
Speak a different language?: sorta (I'm workin on it)
Impersonate someone?: yeah
Prank call people?: yeah
Make a card pyramid?: no
Cook anything?: yes
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...: actress, I'd meet Julie Andrews
I wish ...: Zack would ask me out
So many people don't know that ...: I hate peas
I am ...: a Broadway lover
My heart is ...: broken, but well on the mend!
* . . About You . . *
Eye Color:: blue
Hair Color:: rainbow (presently red)
Height:: 4'11''
Favorite Color:: pink!
Screen Name:: WickedPhan506
Favorite Band:: none
Favorite Movie:: Phantom of the Opera
Favorite Show:: Murder, She Wrote
Your Car:: n/a
Your Hometown:: Mifflinburg
Your Present Town:: Mifflinburg (sad, huh?)
Your Crushes First Name:: Zack
Your Grade:: 10
Your Style:: girly
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: no
Kissed someone in the rain?: no
Danced in a public place?: yes
Smiled for no reason?: yes
Laughed so hard you cried?: yes
Peed your pants after age 8?: yes
Written a song?: yes
Sang to someone for no reason?: yes
Performed on a stage?: yes
Talked to someone you don't know?: yes
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: yes
Made out in a theatre?: no
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: yes
Been in love?: i wish
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: my bro
Tell you, I love you?: Mum
Kiss you?: no clue
Hug you?: Mum
Tell you BYE?: Theo
Write you a note?: Jenn
Take your photo?: Theo
Call your cell phone?: n/a
Buy you something?: Mum and Dad
Go with you to the movies?: dunno
Sing to you?: Mum
Write a poem about you?: dunno
Text message you?: dunno
Touch you?: in what way?
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: yesterday
Time you cried?: yesterday
Movie you watched?: i forget
Joke you told?: dunno
Song you've sang?: "I'd Rather Have Jesus"
Time you've looked at the clock?: 9:26 AM
Drink you've had?: water
Number you've dialed?: Jenn's
Book you've read?: Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul
Food you've eaten?: ice-cream sandwich
Flavor of gum chewed?: stride sweetmint
Shoes you've worn?: copper high heels
Store you've been in?: Broadway souveneir shop
Thing you've said?: No one else is here, I don't care how I look!
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: kinda
Whistle?: yeah
Blow a bubble?: yeah
Roll your tounge in a circle?: uh-huh
Cross your eyes?: yup
Touch your tounge to your nose?: sorta...
Dance?: heck, yes!
Gleek?: huh?
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: yup
Speak a different language?: sorta (I'm workin on it)
Impersonate someone?: yeah
Prank call people?: yeah
Make a card pyramid?: no
Cook anything?: yes
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...: actress, I'd meet Julie Andrews
I wish ...: Zack would ask me out
So many people don't know that ...: I hate peas
I am ...: a Broadway lover
My heart is ...: broken, but well on the mend!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Life...
I really miss musical and play, so to console myself, I am posting some random pics... I know you've seen them before, but hey! Humor me...
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Bla bla bla...
Well, another crazy day gone by. We're in the middle of painting my room (can't wait to post pics!) I got a canopy bed, and we're redoing my entire bedroom! It's so sweet! Other than that, same as always...
Mom says my room counts as my sixteenth b-day present, and I'm grateful, but a part of me still really wants a fancy party. It's not gonna happen...
Mom says my room counts as my sixteenth b-day present, and I'm grateful, but a part of me still really wants a fancy party. It's not gonna happen...
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I'm An Idiot
Owww... my leg hurts! I was an idiot and cut it on a piece of glass. I spent from 8:30 to 10:30 last night in the E.R. Six stitches! It was my first time getting stitches and I was really scared. I felt like I was five, not fifteen! I looked like crap, but I got a really old, ugly doctor, so it really didn't matter. Now it hurts, though. Really bad...
Anyway, enough of that. I dyed my hair again, sort of a burdandy-chestnut-purple color. I thought it would look really bad, but I like it. Jenn slept over and she dyed her hair, and I liked the color, so we did mine too. Now we match!
The only other interesting thing I can think of is that I've started taking piano lessons and ballet in addition to voice and chamber choir. I love it!
Anyway, enough of that. I dyed my hair again, sort of a burdandy-chestnut-purple color. I thought it would look really bad, but I like it. Jenn slept over and she dyed her hair, and I liked the color, so we did mine too. Now we match!
The only other interesting thing I can think of is that I've started taking piano lessons and ballet in addition to voice and chamber choir. I love it!
Monday, July 16, 2007
A Random Update
So, life has been busy but boring. It's kinda random...
I babysit 4-month-old Kate Adamo every Thursday afternoon, and I've been helping the Younts with the twins a little bit, and occasionally I get a call to babysit my Jilly and Josiah, but they're pretty much my only clients. My days are still busy, however, between ballet, chamber choir, voice and hopefully piano lessons, and cleaning (of course). We're trying to redo our storage space and make it a walk-in-closet, and I've pretty been heading the whole project.
I found so many letters and cards from random people it's not funny. The one day I just sat there with an old Huggies box full of cards that Ann Stover wrote from Florida, or Nicholynn or Megan or Grammy Pat. I never really realized exactly how much I was loved until I went through that box.
Pastor Krell's sermon was on love yesterday, and I really felt like God spoke to me. He used a few quotes, like this one by Mohamed Gandhi: "I like your Christ, just not your Christians." I don't know where we went wrong, but I swear we are the worst hypocrites out of any religion, and we're supposed to be representing God. But people aren't seeing God, they're seeing selfish humanity. He used 1 Corinthians 13, which I'd never really read before. Now that whole page of my bible is covered with notes...
Sorry for the sermon. One more thing. The boys wanted me to link to their (and my) "superhero site." Believe me, it was not my idea... for the most part. www.jayteersupes.blogspot.com
I babysit 4-month-old Kate Adamo every Thursday afternoon, and I've been helping the Younts with the twins a little bit, and occasionally I get a call to babysit my Jilly and Josiah, but they're pretty much my only clients. My days are still busy, however, between ballet, chamber choir, voice and hopefully piano lessons, and cleaning (of course). We're trying to redo our storage space and make it a walk-in-closet, and I've pretty been heading the whole project.
I found so many letters and cards from random people it's not funny. The one day I just sat there with an old Huggies box full of cards that Ann Stover wrote from Florida, or Nicholynn or Megan or Grammy Pat. I never really realized exactly how much I was loved until I went through that box.
Pastor Krell's sermon was on love yesterday, and I really felt like God spoke to me. He used a few quotes, like this one by Mohamed Gandhi: "I like your Christ, just not your Christians." I don't know where we went wrong, but I swear we are the worst hypocrites out of any religion, and we're supposed to be representing God. But people aren't seeing God, they're seeing selfish humanity. He used 1 Corinthians 13, which I'd never really read before. Now that whole page of my bible is covered with notes...
Sorry for the sermon. One more thing. The boys wanted me to link to their (and my) "superhero site." Believe me, it was not my idea... for the most part. www.jayteersupes.blogspot.com
Monday, June 25, 2007
Prom Pics.... Finally!!!
Finally! Prom pictures are here! Thanks for your patience. With any luck, I can soon post pics of my hair... lol.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Gorgeous song.... just had to post it!
"My Immortal"
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[Chorus]
-Evanescence (to hear it actually sung, go to youtube.com and search for wonder woman, it's in the "Batman and Wonder Woman Tribute"
"My Immortal"
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[Chorus]
-Evanescence (to hear it actually sung, go to youtube.com and search for wonder woman, it's in the "Batman and Wonder Woman Tribute"
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Not only do I now have short, pink hair, but I have once again taken up ballet. I missed it a lot, so I'm now taking lessons from Alicia Little at Enterline's. I got to know her through the musical (she did the choreography) and I asked her about taking classes. So, I started today. I absolutely LOVE taking classes with her! She is very kind and sweet, but very professional at the same time. I am taking ballet en pointe and it's sweet! My ankles hurt, though... :(
But it's lots of fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chamber choir also starts next week, and I've done quite a bit of babysitting lately.... that's about it. Not much else going on.... yet!
But it's lots of fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chamber choir also starts next week, and I've done quite a bit of babysitting lately.... that's about it. Not much else going on.... yet!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I Am A Rose....
Literally. Most people say they are blonde or brunette.... I used to be, but now I am a rose. That's right, I got PINK highlights in my hair!! I'll upload pics soon, hopefully along with some more prom pics... stupid program is misbehaving....
Nicholynn wrote back to me. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy! I'm very glad that I decided to write to her again.
I have nothing to do... bored out of my flippin' mind now that school's out. Grr..
Nicholynn wrote back to me. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy! I'm very glad that I decided to write to her again.
I have nothing to do... bored out of my flippin' mind now that school's out. Grr..
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Another Post
I know I haven't posted in ages. Oh well. It's been very busy around here, what with all of the concerts and such. I had a choir concert on May 7th (I think) and a a musical that same weekend. I had also gone to prom that weekend with Jenn (I'm still trying to upload pics. The site doesn't want to let me). Then on Wednesday, I had the French Club Cabaret. I sang "Without You" from My Fair Lady. On Friday I helped do hair and make-up for the middle school musical. It was really funny, because I was doing the boys' makeup, and some squirmed, some thought it was cool, and others put up with it so they could be around me. Some were acting like I was hott stuff that they were trying to pick up! It was adorable. I'm working on my writing and I'm trying to read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I'm also in the midst of school finals. Next week is the last week of school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so sad. Friday was the seniors' last day of school, so Zack is gone now! I'll never see him again. I love him so much, I'm going to miss him! Aaron's also gone, and Weston! I don't know what I'm going to do! How will I get along without them next year? And of course, I have other friends graduating as well. Aubrey, Lindsey, Sarah... so many people!
I guess I'll have to get over it, there's not much that I can do. But I will miss them.
A cheerful thought: I got a 97 on my rhythm test for Mme Wagner! I might have a chance at making chamber choir... maybe...
I'm trying a new layout. If anything doesn't work on it, please let me know so that I can fix it!
I'm so sad. Friday was the seniors' last day of school, so Zack is gone now! I'll never see him again. I love him so much, I'm going to miss him! Aaron's also gone, and Weston! I don't know what I'm going to do! How will I get along without them next year? And of course, I have other friends graduating as well. Aubrey, Lindsey, Sarah... so many people!
I guess I'll have to get over it, there's not much that I can do. But I will miss them.
A cheerful thought: I got a 97 on my rhythm test for Mme Wagner! I might have a chance at making chamber choir... maybe...
I'm trying a new layout. If anything doesn't work on it, please let me know so that I can fix it!
Friday, May 11, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Fiddler on the Roof
Tonight is the last performance! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, yeah, the show has been abslutely amazing. Everyone who has seen it loved.... it was awesome. It's been really energetic, and really good, and I think we've set a very high standard for next year. For those of you who couldn't see it, I'm posting some pics. I will hopefully be able to get a dvd of it so you can see it, but for now these pics will have to do. If you want to see more, go to www.pianostuffs.com
MIFFLINBURG ROCKS!!!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Ancient Poetry ;)
I was going through the storage space, trying to find Mom's old musical programs, when I found an immense wealth of poetry from Mom's childhood and her business class, and I loved them so much that I thought I'd post them. I DID NOT WRITE ANY OF THESE. I will credit them when and where I can. Some my mom wrote herself, so yeah.... don't ever let her tell you that she isn't talented, these are adorable.
To Arms
Hugs are not only nice
They're needed.
Hugs can relieve pain and depression,
Make the healthy healthier,
The happy happier,
And the most secure among us
Even more so.
Hugging feels good
Overcomes fear
Eases tension
Provides stretching excercise if you're short
And stooping exercise if you're tall.
Hugging does not upset the enviroment,
Saves heat,
And requires no special equipment.
It makes happy days happier
And impossible days possible.
-Mommy
Another Day
The longest night
Must have an end.
The darkness
Does not stay.
The world rolls around
Towards the morning of another day.
The new light
Steals in like a blessing
Bringing hope again -
To those who lie awake
A prey to worry, grief, or pain.
And so it is life
Though black moods come
And cares depress -
They pass and sunshine follows
Bringing peace and happiness.
The shadows lift
The darkness fades -
And if for faith you pray -
God always works the miracle
And sends another day.
-Mommy
Story of an Old Toothbrush
Michael McGee was a widowed old gent
And he lived with his daughter, Mary.
He was old in his ways and on many a day
She found him a wee bit contrary.
Michael brushed his teeth with a very old brush
What was left of it -- nothing but stubble,
And if Mary purchased him one that was new,
She purchased a bushel of trouble.
One day Mary watched Michael brushing away,
Without Michael knowing her looking.
She noticed him kissing the old toothbrush
Wondering what in heavens was cooking.
So when Michael went out for his afternoon walk,
As he usually did every day,
Mary went to his bath and took the old brush
And deliberately threw it away.
When Michael discovered his toothbrush was gone,
Mary found him dejected and sighing.
There were tears in his eyes and to Mary's surprise,
For the first time her father was crying.
She thought it quite queer, in an effort to cheer,
She said, "I will but you another."
Then Michael embraced her and said, "Mary, dear,
That toothbrush belonged to your mother.
"When she passed away, Mary, I longed for her kiss,
So I took her toothbrush for my own.
As I used it each day, she was not far away,
In fact she was right here at home."
So Mary went searching and found the old brush,
Placed it where it would come to Dad's view.
When she saw him kissing it fondly again,
She said, "Daddy, may I kiss it, too?"
-Patrick E. Gorman
To Arms
Hugs are not only nice
They're needed.
Hugs can relieve pain and depression,
Make the healthy healthier,
The happy happier,
And the most secure among us
Even more so.
Hugging feels good
Overcomes fear
Eases tension
Provides stretching excercise if you're short
And stooping exercise if you're tall.
Hugging does not upset the enviroment,
Saves heat,
And requires no special equipment.
It makes happy days happier
And impossible days possible.
-Mommy
Another Day
The longest night
Must have an end.
The darkness
Does not stay.
The world rolls around
Towards the morning of another day.
The new light
Steals in like a blessing
Bringing hope again -
To those who lie awake
A prey to worry, grief, or pain.
And so it is life
Though black moods come
And cares depress -
They pass and sunshine follows
Bringing peace and happiness.
The shadows lift
The darkness fades -
And if for faith you pray -
God always works the miracle
And sends another day.
-Mommy
Story of an Old Toothbrush
Michael McGee was a widowed old gent
And he lived with his daughter, Mary.
He was old in his ways and on many a day
She found him a wee bit contrary.
Michael brushed his teeth with a very old brush
What was left of it -- nothing but stubble,
And if Mary purchased him one that was new,
She purchased a bushel of trouble.
One day Mary watched Michael brushing away,
Without Michael knowing her looking.
She noticed him kissing the old toothbrush
Wondering what in heavens was cooking.
So when Michael went out for his afternoon walk,
As he usually did every day,
Mary went to his bath and took the old brush
And deliberately threw it away.
When Michael discovered his toothbrush was gone,
Mary found him dejected and sighing.
There were tears in his eyes and to Mary's surprise,
For the first time her father was crying.
She thought it quite queer, in an effort to cheer,
She said, "I will but you another."
Then Michael embraced her and said, "Mary, dear,
That toothbrush belonged to your mother.
"When she passed away, Mary, I longed for her kiss,
So I took her toothbrush for my own.
As I used it each day, she was not far away,
In fact she was right here at home."
So Mary went searching and found the old brush,
Placed it where it would come to Dad's view.
When she saw him kissing it fondly again,
She said, "Daddy, may I kiss it, too?"
-Patrick E. Gorman
Monday, March 12, 2007
Catching Up
I have had absolutely no time whatsoever to do anything other than eat, sleep, breathe, go to musical practice and go to church. I have been busier than ever with all of my responsibilities, and I'm quickly running out of fuel. I love musical, and I can't let my performance dwindle there, but at the same time, church is extremely important to me. I have responsibilities with children's choir, children's musical, the nursery, Little Peoples Church, Li'l Disciples, and now I've been nominated as teen delegate to the District Missions Convention as well as NYI President! On top of that, Mr. KnowItAll Welker seems to think that I have time to put together a speech and an outline about Planetary Colonization (something that I care nothing about!) I feel like my head is going to tear at the seams!!!
So, yeah....
Some good things have happened lately, too. For example, Whitney and I both got to sing our solos at the Pops Concert. Musical is in two weeks, and being nominated for so many high positions is an honor. So, I'm thoroughly exhausted....
I'm a Jewish hooker, and my husband is the Rabbi.... our son is illegitimate (and my husband doesn't know), and we have a baby girl.... A rumor is flying through Anatevka, thanks to Yente.... Yahweh, send my husband a dream, any will do, that will "prove" that Mendel and our Reyna is his.... Amen....
^A little something funny to brighten up your day.... Of course, it's only funny if you know the joke, but anyway...
So, yeah....
Some good things have happened lately, too. For example, Whitney and I both got to sing our solos at the Pops Concert. Musical is in two weeks, and being nominated for so many high positions is an honor. So, I'm thoroughly exhausted....
I'm a Jewish hooker, and my husband is the Rabbi.... our son is illegitimate (and my husband doesn't know), and we have a baby girl.... A rumor is flying through Anatevka, thanks to Yente.... Yahweh, send my husband a dream, any will do, that will "prove" that Mendel and our Reyna is his.... Amen....
^A little something funny to brighten up your day.... Of course, it's only funny if you know the joke, but anyway...
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