The new Christmas design of my blog is out! You know what that means... 'tis the season! I've been signing Christmas cards, making wish lists, and Peter and I are going Christmas shopping for our families' joint gifts this weekend. I've got Christmas music playing in the background as I type this, and I want more than anything to go get a Christmas tree and some lights to hang around! I love Christmas. :)

I kinda thought it would be more intense being in the city... but I haven't been out and about since Thanksgiving break yet! I'm so totally going to check out the gardens at the Smithsonian (which are apparently spectacular), and Flather's lobby is decorated. It's great! I love Christmas. :D

Ramblings

I'm sitting here talking to Mommy on Skype and waiting for Dad to get home from a board meeting (it's taking bloody forever!), so I figured I might as well ramble a bit while I'm here.

I'm sitting out in the hall because my roommate is studying. This whole roommate thing? I'm really not a huge fan... I miss being able to do whatever I want whenever I want in my own space. But oh, well... c'est la vie!

So I'm sitting in the hall talking to Momma and eating shrimp chow mein and thinking about my paper that needs written and coming home this weekend. :)

I can't wait to see my girls!! It has been waaaay too long since I've had a decent talk with my girlies (although heaven only knows Facebook has seen a deadly increase in chat drama over the past two months). I can't wait to go to Sheetz again... gosh, I miss that place! I can't believe there are no Sheetz's in DC. Seriously. Of all the things not to have... they have Wawa's, but no Sheetz. :\

I can't wait to see everyone, really. Kate and Jess and Sarah tomorrow, Sarah Haines and her baby on Saturday, Peter's family, my family, Madame... soooo many people!! :D I miss them all lots and lots, and I can't wait to be home again. I can't wait to sit down at my piano and not having to drown out any opera divas (well... except myself). I can't wait to drive again....

It's gonna be strange, though, being home. CUA isn't quite "home," but neither is Mifflinburg anymore. It's an odd position to be in, one I'm not entirely sure how to handle. But oh, well. That's why this is a "transition," I suppose, and an "adventure."

PS: The second anniversary of Peter's and my first homecoming dance is Sunday. Woot! :D

My Dear Followers (of whom I'm not sure there are very many):

Yes, it is 2 am as write this. Yes, I should be doing homework (writing a paper). Yes, I do believe I have fully transitioned into college life. :P

Things are going well... crazy, busy, but well. I have at least four classes on any given day, occasionally with no time to eat (that would be on Wednesdays). I usually have at least two papers, sometimes three, in any given week, and no choice but to do them whenever I can manage (hence the 2 am thing... believe me, I'd rather be sleeping!). I've started to do Ballroom, which I have on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have private voice and piano lessons. My voice teacher is a legit opera singer who keeps insisting that there are about twenty different kinds of "ah..." and of course, I can't seem to pinpoint exactly the right one. Opera is hard. *Sigh.* Piano is... well, kinda a joke. My professor is amazing (he's performing at Carnegie Hall in November!), but my piano skills are less than such. I can play a lot of stuff, and I can sight read decently, but my scales are practically nonexistent and my fingering atrocious. So what do I do with my breaks? I play scales until I want to scream from boredom and frustration. And then I go do "iLrn exercises" for French. Because of course the prof can't give us textbook homework like any normal person.

Except my French prof is pretty much the most amazing person ever. He's really nice and helpful (there were a ton of mix-ups with my books, and he's been incredibly patient through the whole thing) and he was born in Martinique and grew up in Paris, so he kinda knows what he's talking about....

My English professor is also pretty amazing. He is hilarious beyond belief (he actually kinda reminds me of my daddy), also works at the Smithsonian, and has about ten different masters degrees in completely random stuff. When he lectures he draws funny pictures and diagrams on the board, and there is no possible way to take notes in his class. He gives us extra credit for going to "talks" he gives at the National Portrait Gallery... the last one was on Edgar Allan Poe, the next one coming up is on Michael Jackson, and I do believe Elvis is coming at some point. Oh, yes... the unofficial name of our course is "Rhetoric and Composition: From the Odyssey to Elvis." That's how awesome he is.

Let's see... my third favorite prof would probably be Dr. Flaim. She is an awesome teacher... although I'm not a huge fan of the multitudinous papers she requires us to write. If we go see a show (which is, of course, required) we must write about it. I wouldn't mind so much if she didn't grade them so harshly... but oh, well.

Philosophy is not my thing. I'm sorry, it's just not. I probably wouldn't mind it so much if Plato had written his thoughts into mind-blowing musical compositions and composed lyrics rather than sentences that continue for about three pages and travel in about ten different directions and fourteen circles all within those three pages (and one sentence!). Oy vay....

The awesome thing about this place is, well, the place itself for starters. A lot of weekends I tend to hole myself up in my room or in a practice room and sleep or do homework; however, I am fully aware that I am in a gorgeous city and really need to get out and do something with myself! I have caught myself feeling bored once or twice and immediately pulled up yellowpages.com, searched something out, and then went there. I've seen several of the Smithsonian museums (every exhibit at the American History Museum, most of the Natural History Museum, the Asian Art Museum, the gardens, the Castle, and the National Portrait Gallery). My favorites so far were the American history (Carol Burnett'sWent With the Wind dress!) and the gardens, which you can read about should I ever get my book published. :D I've thoroughly mastered the Metro system (for the most part, haha), although I do not like it when something is closed for track maintenance... and something is always closed for track maintenance.

I have, of course, made myself quite at home in Tenleytown (where AU is) as well, and I've snooped around multiple amazing shopping places. Favorites of those include, of course, Pentagon City, Friendship Heights, Metro Centre, and Eastern Market. Chinatown is covered with incredible restaurants (and a Rita's!). I still need to go to soooo many, many places: Arlington National Cemetery, Holocaust Museum, Mme Toussaud's, the Spy Museum... there's so much to see and do!

The fact that CUA is right in the middle of D.C. is the only amazing thing about it, though. The view of the Basilica as the sun goes down or when it's lit up at night from some areas of the campus is positively breaktaking, and the school of music itself is nothing to scoff at. Just a sampling the names dropped around here: Tom Pederson, Denise Puricelli, Ric Ryder, Norm Lewis, Parker Esse... and those are just a few of the ones who work or live here. Look them up; dead serious! Parker Esse is a Broadway dancer/choreographer who taught a master class here and told a story about Christine Baranski, who he has worked with extensively. I shook his hand. :D

Life here is pretty much amazing. There are so many things I still need to do! There's an organization called St. Ann's; it's a maternity and children's hospital/home, and CUA goes and volunteers with the kiddos there. I need to get off my duff and go, because I'm really excited about getting to work with the little ones.

My dorm, as I'm sure you've all seen on Facebook, is incredibly bright and cheery... it's a warm kinda room that people always want to come to. Everytime my door is open, I have people stopping by to check it out. :)

Life here is pretty amazing. The only thing missing is, well, everyone. I've made a ton of new friends here, and it's pretty incredible... but I miss everyone at home. It's strange going to mass and not seeing Madame or Father Bill... it's odd meeting Peter with his new haircut, always someplace other than The Corner. And seeing Kate, Jess, and Sarah online only is killin' me. I cannot wait to come home this weekend and see everyone, to sleep in my own bed, to watch the Nanny with Mommy and Daddy just like always, to sit down at my piano and play as much as I want, knowing that someone needs to hear me sing and play.

Ooh, that's another something! Peter and I decided to try to put together a busking act... jah, street performing! I finally broke down and bought the same Torch Song book that Mrs. Wagner has, and we're going to learn some of my favorites. I'm gonna sing, he'll play on his keyboard. I'm stoked!

So life is good, but I miss life. Ya know? It's definitely different... and I don't mind at all the new things I'm learning and doing... I'm just praying the old ones won't fade away.

P.S: You are allowed to comment if you actually read this thing, ya know....

First Day of Classes!!

Dear Friends,

Today is my first day of classes. I've barely had a minute to myself to write much of anything before now due to the crazy orientation stuffs here at CUA, so I thought I'd try to get a few words in before my 9am theory class this morning....

I absolutely adore CUA. It is breathtakingly beautiful (yes, I will post pictures... perhaps a photoshoot with Risa today? Or Laura? That would be fun!), has all the appearances and comforts of living in the country - I've even got those stupid cicadas outside my window - but all the convenience of a major metropolis right in my grasp. DC is a beautiful city too... and I already found a Payless. ;) Most of the buildings are absolutely beautiful. The Basilica takes your breath away... you don't have to be Catholic to revel in the magnificence of the church (although it becomes even more incredible when you understand the significance behind everything). The other main buildings are all super old-world looking, as though we were in eighteenth century London rather than modern DC. They're the typical rough stone, glorious towers and spirals... it's like have class in a bunch of mini castles. The buildings that aren't built like that are mainly the residence halls, which are brick... but that's okay, we forgive them. The other building that isn't stone is the Pryz, which is basically the student lounge/dining hall. The Pryz is incredibly modern, made almost entirely of glass windows on the open sides, which is really amazing.

There are lots of lawns and open areas, a Marian garden that is simple but beautiful, and a huge sports complex (Devante, I thought you might like that piece of information). All in all, CUA is, well, amazing. :D

I have a few people I've made friends with here, mostly musical theatre people. There's Risa, Laura, James... and Anna my roommate, although we really don't hang out, we just kinda live together, lol. So yeah... that's about it for now, I guess. Any questions, post 'em! I'm headed off to class soon. On the schedule for today: Music Theory (fml) at 9, Theatre I at 10, Women's Chorus at noon, and French at 1. After that, I'm actually free today... might go to Tenley for a USB cord at Best Buy, lol.

Tata for now!

Jade

Farewell, Little Town....

Farewell, little town,

I'll miss you dearly.

I may not miss the repugnant smell

Of manure on the hottest days of all,

Or driving behind tractors

Who don't drive but crawl,

But your laughs and smiles,

Your beauty in the fall...

Yes, these I will miss,

For you've served me well.

Farewell, little town,

Not for good,

But for all.

Farewell, sweet town,

I'll not forget you yet.

How could I forget

The sweet smell of the rain,

Or when the stars sparkle

'Through a night and not in vain.

I won't forget a thing,

My homeplace and my birth,

For it was here I became myself

With sorrow and with mirth.

Farewell, little town.

Farewell, my town,

I must now bid you adieu.

I'll return, and surely soon,

But me you'll not be able to woo.

I'm going away,

I'm flying high,

But little town,

You'll always be in the back of my mind.

You hold my heart and my every dream,

My life, my love, my every scream.

You keep my secrets and hold my fears,

But I must go,

And 'through the years

Must grow and find

And new little place,

But you, sweet little town,

I will not disgrace.

I love you all,

My hope and my joys,

My fears, my dreams,

And all destroyed.

My home is here,

And will always be,

But I must flee, little town,

I must go find me.

Farewell, little town. <3

NCIS :)

I hate the Odyssey. I love NCIS. :D

Soo... here we go. I'm still almost completely packed, haha, but refuse to be completely done yet. I still have just a few items to get, but I'm mostly ready. I can't wait! Four days, people! :D

I miss my boy though. I know he's busy and I have to accept that... it's hard because, well, it doesn't matter when I'm talking to him, where, he always has something else to do. He hung up quickly the other because his parents called and he wanted to talk to them instead. He hung up last night for, well, no good reason. I really don't want to be at the bottom of the totem pole. I hate being at the bottom of the totem pole. It sucks. I'd like to be the most important person in his life, I should be.

And this is bitchy of me, I know... is it?

Wow.

Sooo... I'm almost completely packed for college. I have no clue how everything is going to fit into the car! I've got two massive clothing bags, two normal-sized bins, two (possibly three) pretty pink storage cubes, a microwave, carpeting, a suitcase (full of stuff), a shower caddy, another box full of books and such... wow. That's a lot of stuff.

And believe it or not, I actually packed a lot less than what I've got. It's weird, packing up half of my life to take someplace completely different. I'm soo excited, I can't wait to be in the city! But it will be quite odd... the next time any of this stuff comes out of hiding will be in a teeny little college dorm room, just waiting to be used when I finally get ten seconds to breathe (and unpack!) I have the funny feeling it's gonna remain packed away for a goodly amount of time... at least a day or two, anyway.

How does one decide what to take, what to leave? You don't want to take anything incredibly valuable, just in case something happens... but neither do you want to leave everything you love at home. I packed up my scarf from Bells Are Ringing, but left my pearls in my dresser drawer for now. The question is, will I need them when it comes time for the military balls? Eh, perhaps, perhaps not. I suppose I could have Mom and Dad mail them to me.

Music, I packed my music today. I put every cd I own on my laptop so I'd have the music with me, but sheet music was a little harder. Out of my ginormous library in my bedroom I managed to narrow down the books to my favorites. It's funny, you can tell practically everything about me from the books (and music) I'm taking:

- Two binders full of sheet music

- A smaller binder with the songs I've written in it

- Three B'way compilation books

- Phantom

- Les Mis

- "Essential Keyboard Repertoire"

- Edith Piaf

- Bad Girls of the Bible

- Really Bad Girls of the Bible (if Jenn ever gives it back to me :\)

- After the Storm (romance)

- Safe Haven (romance)

- The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy

- Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

- La Sante Bible

- Home: A Memoir of My Early Years by Julie Andrews

- Princess in Pink by Meg Cabot

- The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux

- The Complex Infrastrucure of the Female Mind by Reliant K

- Isabel, Crown Jewel of Castilla

- Elizabeth I, Red Rose of the House of Tudor

- Marie Antoinette, Princess of Versailles

- Lilith by George MacDonald

- Tresors du Temps (a French textbook)

- Dictionary of French Deceptive Cognates

- The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

- Two Catholic Bibles

There might be a few more undiscovered treasures that I simply must take, but I do believe that is the majority of them. So yeah... all of that packed into one little Walmart Cube. It's almost like I'm getting married, all the stuff I'm packing up... except that I'm not. :\ Lol, oh well. Eventually....

So that's about it for today. I'm still struggling through Homer... somebody should've killed this guy before he got the chance to write the bloody Odyssey. End of story. :P

Tonight... feeling a li'l bit scared about, well, everything. Mainly school. I'm excited and all, don't get me wrong... but all the typical stuff seems to be multiplying. I graduated from a teeny tiny little school in the middle of nowhere. What if everyone else is better than me? Pathetic, I know. What if I can't keep up? I couldn't even master AP Bio, I mean, c'mon! Urg... I guess I'm not really in much of a writing mood tonight. :\

A good thing: I've discovered that I actually adore the show Good Luck Charlie. It's so cute! I want to hold a baby now though....

I Is A Sleepy Girl....

Well, today was my senior recital and graduation party! It was absolutely phenomenal. :D

The recital came first. I sang quite the variety of music, from the "heart-wrenching" Send In the Clowns to the ever-popular... well... "Popular!" It was a great success, I almost wish I could do it again. But it was fun while it lasted, and I learned a lot. It was also great to get to spend the last bit of time when I'm home with so many special people.

After the recital we had the party. Mrs. Gillott came, Mrs. Wagner and Mrs. Rapson, and most of my family. It was absolutely wonderful! I will definitely upload pictures and video when I get them.

Now, however, I am so exhausted, so I am going to eat my cake and icecream and fall asleep watching The Nanny. :)

G'night all!

Sooo...

So, that resolve to post every day? Totally forgot about it until now... not that there's much to say, lol. I've been watching too much NCIS... if someone wanted to kill me, they could totally go through this page, haha.

But yeah... Sunday is my senior recital and graduation party. I'm stoked, but kinda sorta scared senseless, lol. I've never given a recital and had to perform all by myself before. But yeah.

I'll try to start this up after that... I'm far too exhausted to bother anymore right now though. :P

New Beginnings

Well, it's almost August. Almost time for back-to-school shopping... except for the first time in my life, I'm packing absolutely *everything* and moving away for more than just a weekend. This time I'm moving into a dormitory in Washington D.C. Scary, huh?

I don't remember if I wrote about college or not, lol. I'm going to Catholic University of America in D.C. for musical theatre. Heaven help me. I'm excited to be on my own, to be in one of the greatest cities in the world, and to be able to be with my boy whenever I want to be, without his parents (or mine) holding us back. I'm excited to be able to get my own apartment in two years time, to be on my own.

I'm scared senseless about being completely on my own, being in a city (I've watched a little too much NCIS perhaps), and, well, college in general. I'm going into my major with people who, for the most part, have graduated from special arts schools or programs. What if I'm no good next to them? I'm also very scared about paying for everything, and about dealing with the typical college party scene (which I will do my best to stay away from, but it is still really scary).

But I figured, although I'll certainly be on Facebook quite frequently, now is the perfect time to resume my blogging. I've gotten out of the habit of it, but this way people can easily keep track of me (also a scary thing).

So, at this point, I'm pretty much consumed with making money for school, prepping for my senior recital and graduation party, and spending as much time as possible with my boy before my life changes forever. I'm still dancing a ton, writing a good bit, and babysitting. And trying to find decent student loans. Which is what I'm doing right now. :\

So that's life. Keep checking... I'm gonna try to update daily at least. If I miss a day, well, forgive me... but now that I have my laptop I should have time. :D

Catholic!

So, it's been awhile... again.

Anyway, tonight I became Catholic. I don't remember how much I mentioned in my previous posts about my journey towards Catholicism (I think I tried to save that for my religion blog, lol), but yeah... I feel God has definitely led me to this place. I am at peace... it's a wonderful, wonderful place to be.

I'll write more later... as of now, I've had a long day and am quite sleepy! Happy Easter, everyone... God bless!

Bla bla bla....

It's been forever since I last wrote. It seems like everything and nothing has happened all at once... I'm not quite sure where to start.

Let's see... the biggest things lately... I got accepted to CUA, and I have an audition for the music theatre department there on February 6. I also managed to get a Juilliard audition! I'm going to NYC on January 23 to audition for the drama department at Juilliard. Of course, I'm crazy excited, but I'm really nervous, too. Who ever would've thought I'd be even this close to Juilliard, to my dreams? Me, a tiny little girl from a tiny little town where nothing ever happens and when going to the grocery store frequently results in multiple family and friend reunions.

Peter's proud of me, I think. I'm really not sure what's happening with us... we ended up breaking up and spending a painful two weeks apart, trying to retrieve ourselves and figure out what on earth was going on. And then, the day I got my acceptance letter, we ended up getting back together. Heaven only knows what's going on with us... I want to last forever, but I'm eighteen... he's seventeen... and forever is a long time. I know I'm stubborn enough to make it last, but is he? He says he is not looking for anyone else, but what if someone just kinda comes out of the blue and he falls head-over-heels for her? Where does that leave me?

In a rut, I guess, but not one that's impossible to get out of. I have my schooling ahead of me, and hopefully a career after that. If I manage to graduate from Juilliard's drama department, I could go so many, many places. I could travel to France or England and work overseas. Losing Peter would not be the end of the world or the end of me... just the end of the current life that I love so much. I would live. If we split up, I'd be devastated, but I would rely on God's strength... because, as I've said so many times this month, "God, give me strength, for I have none of my own."

And I know he will. He is great and mighty, and loves me more than Peter, more than my family or other friends ever will. I know this... it's just trusting it where I sometimes fall through.

Spring musical auditions are coming up. Honestly, it doesn't even seem like the fall play has happened yet! But it has, oddly enough. I was Abigail Louise Brewster, a crazy little old lady in Arsenic and Old Lace. My last fall play is over... how sad is that????

But musical will be fun, and I have a ton to do to prep for my college auditions and district choir. My life is crazy! But it is well-worth every wild moment... even the ones that I wish I could banish forever.

July

Ugh. I haven't updated this in quite awhile, I guess I should make a few notes about my life... not that there's much to note.

I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook, a sickening amount of time on Facebook. I am the *proud* owner of a farm in Farm Town, have more Bumper Stickers than would fit on an eighteen-wheeler, and couldn't fit all my Flair in my bedroom, there's so much of it. I spend my time idling the day away....

I have done some work, though. I've worked on my bedroom a little bit (and believe me, it needs it), and worked on my schoolwork. I haven't started my AP Bio stuff yet, but I'm struggling through Brave New World and the crazy amount of French stuff that Madame Gillott has given me to do. I've also been looking at college stuff... which scares me to death. I'm supposed to be working on vacation ideas for the summer, but I'm not even sure where I put the paper with the suggestions on it... I really don't even want to go on vacation. I'm going to be miserable, although it will be better if I just make up my mind to have a good time.

I've done lots of singing, piano playing (I played the whole Moonlight Sonata today, both hands!), and tons of dancing. In fact, tomorrow I'm going to AKA Dance with Miss Alicia after jazz and tap, which should be tons of fun.

I've also spent as much time as possible with Peter. I get to see him when he has off on Tuesday nights for two hours or so, and then I go to Camp K and get to see him and be with him there. For the past couple of weeks, I had Friday evenings with him... but now he doesn't get off until Saturday. So I won't see him until Saturday evenings, and then Sunday mornings for mass. This kills... I know I shouldn't complain, I get to see him so much more than so many girls get to spend time with their boys... but I miss him so much when I'm not with him. Those twenty-four and forty-two hour increments are so painful, knowing he's so close, but so far away! Near, but so untouchable....

But whatever. No moping. I've done enough of that, and I promised myself I wouldn't. I've also done some swimming, some babysitting, and lots of hanging out with Jenn and with the girls. Jenn and Becky and I are supposed to go take pictures sometime Sunday, yay! :-)

On a very random and lighthearted note, if I ever have twin daughters, I'm totally naming them Julie and Carol. Mary Carol and Ella Julie.... :-)

So, yeah, that's my life. I'm thrilled to report that my boyfriend doesn't need to do Basic Training if he gets a ROTC scholarship... according to him, anyways. Which would be good. Because it's gonna be bad enough without him....

I'm sooo sleepy... enough updating for now. My life is a thriller, let me tell you.... ;-)

Summertime

Well, summer has hit again, with its trials and tribulations, joys and good times.  Peter is headed to Camp K on Friday, and I will miss him like mad.  But I have lots of AP work to do (AP Lit and AP Bio, as well as my independent study), dance classes, voice and piano lessons, Christmas presents to work on (lol), and lots of cleaning to be done.  I also applied for a job at CVS.  Who knows if they'll even consider me, but I applied.  :-\

I also have a wedding to get ready for!  I have to work on memorizing the song I'm to sing at Courtney's wedding, and get my dress fixed so it's not so incredibly revealing.  And Peter's coming!  Which is exciting.  A little scary, mind you, since generally attending family functions - particularly holidays or weddings - is a privilege that is reserved for engaged couples.  But it's okay by me!  I love my boy.  <3

So, summer is here again.  It's going to be long, fun, hard, and interesting.  Oh, well!

Senior???

I'm a... senior? No! It's not possible!

Hmm... maybe it is. I don't want to be a senior, I don't think. I have this horrible sense of impending dread towards next school year (and this summer, to be honest), yet I'm a little... excited? Not possible!

My whole future is before me, and I'm scared to death. Next year I'll have to apply to colleges... heck, next year, I'll have to GO to college! 2010! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!

Just A Brief Update

The school year is almost over, and I am scared to death! I really don't want to be a senior... although I am very, very glad to be completely finished with standardized tests! Those things are horrible... I still have to take my SATs in June, but otherwise I'm DONE!

Unfortunately that leads to a whole host of problems to deal with. For example: WHERE ON EARTH AM I GOING TO GO TO COLLEGE????????? This issue has been plaguing me for quite some time now, and I can't get it to shut up! I really don't want to go to college... but I know I have no choice. If I want to do anything or be anyone in life, I have to college. My dream is to get married and have kids. Raise a family, ya know? But Peter doesn't want that, darn him. He wants to go to the army, go to college, all that jazz. So to college I go. Because I have no idea if he and I will still be together, if he will want to settle down... ever.... So I must do stuffs for myself. FML.

So, I'm scared to death about this whole thing. I have my list: Susquehanna (which I really, really liked when I was there Monday), CUA (Catholic University of America... yeah...), NYU, Ithaca, Temple, and Carnegie-Mellon. I know I want to double major in French and Music Theatre, if I can... or major/minor in those two or education of some sort. I've determined that Peter's four years in the army will give me four years of grad work, living in France, or going to NYC and trying my darnedest to make it on Broadway. But I'm scared.

I'm scared to death. I don't really want to leave anymore. I'm happy here. I have my friends, my (somewhat messed up) family, my boyfriend, my church family (both at the Nazarene church and St. George)... but a lot of my friends and Peter will be going to college, leaving me here alone. But if I went to Susquehanna, I could be here to help with plays and musicals, and I could still go St. George. I would be here when Peter comes home, and it wouldn't be hard to be with him... a lot. So Susquehanna seems like a good choice. But CUA has the Catholic influence that I am swiftly growing to love, and it would be very, very, VERY close to Peter. Meetings wouldn't be hard... we could see each other every day, or every other day. Which would be amazing....

I'm tired of thinking about this stuff. Somebody needs to tell me what I'm supposed to do with my life, so I can complain a little bit and then go do it because I have no choice. I hate making decisions. Grr....

:'(

Thoughts

So much has happened, and I can't help feeling that all my thoughts and feelings are insignificant in comparison to the tragedy of this weekend...

Darren Reynolds, a classmate and friend to many people at MAHS, committed suicide on this weekend. I can't believe it... it still seems like a big joke that someone is playing on us... Darren was always nice to me, and I can't believe he's gone....

I'm missing Peter so much right now. It seems so umimportant, like he shouldn't matter at a time like this, but I want him to be here, to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay... But he's in D.C., and I'm missing him like mad...

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say, to think, to feel... what's appropriate in a situation like this? What do you say to his friends, his close friends? I'm not sure what I'm doing or why I'm doing any of it....

Heaven help us all. Rest in peace, Darren....

Dans Ma Vie

Last night was opening night of Bells Are Ringing. It was incredible! The audience was great (we had a really good crowd for a Thursday night), the performance itself was incredible....

Sigh. I love this! It's sooo much fun. When I get on that stage, nothing else matters but what is happening then and there. It doesn't matter who is in the audience... I'm not Jade, I'm Ella. I'm beautiful, I'm special, I'm important... I love performing! This is what I was made to do, I'm so sure! I love it so much, and every time I'm on that stage, I'm on cloud nine and the world is at my feet! Yet I know the show will end, and it will be back to my humdrum life.... Do I have what it takes to make this my reality for forever? Could I really make it on Broadway? Where am I going with my life?

There are so many questions and so few answers. I have at least eight years of waiting for Peter to get out of college and the army... that gives me time to go to college and try desperately for Broadway. Or maybe travel the world... go to France, to England, to all of the beautiful places I've only been able to dream of in my mind! I have so much that I could do, that I would do, if I could just get the chance....

I love the stage, I love performing... I love French, too... and I love my boy. My heart is torn between the three... I want so badly to just be me, and do everything I want to do... and I know full well that I cannot.

I just have to remember what Father Bill said in his sermon last Sunday. Don't live in the past or the future... live in the now, in the present! God gave us right now for a reason... and right now is the best time of my life. I'm performing, singing onstage the way I always want to, doing well in classes, working on SATs, and hanging out with Peter as much as possible... life is good.

<3, "Ella"

In Chem Class....

So, naughty little girl that I am, I am sitting in chem class with a laptop, updating this blog. My lab is done, Mr. Landis! I swear! Lol.

So, yeah. Just a little update... I realized as I was reading this that I never posted about musical! I can't believe I never posted this. I'm the lead! We're doing Bells Are Ringing, and I'm playing the part of Ella Peterson, the lead character!!! I'm sooo excited! I'm playing against Ryan Stush (Jeff Moss), Ben Hollenbach (Sandor Prantz), and Katie Southerton (Sue Summers). My role is definately not a soprano role, it's very mezzo or alto, in fact. But I love it, and it gives me the chance to work on my belting and acting more than my high, screaming singing, haha.

I only wish that my whole family could come see it. I know Mom and Dad and the boys will, and Aunt Caterina and Uncle Dave, and probably Grammy Pat and Aunt Glenda and Dad's parents. But Nicholynn and Megan won't be there (there's absolutely no way they'll come back here from the west coast!), and neither will Uncle Wally. I miss them....

But Peter will be there, too, my darling, darling boy. He's sick right now, and I miss him so much. Why am I so stupid? I can't help loving him, he's so sweet! But I know I will have to live without him, possibly forever. I hate the thought of losing him, but we'll both go away to college, and if our relationship survives that, heaven help me when he goes into the army! That crazy boy doesn't want to just do bootcamp and be done with it, he WANTS to go overseas... and it breaks my heart to think of what could happen to him.

The bell's gonna ring... haha, "Bells are ringing......."